How To Sell Out

Ingredients

• Talent to exploit
• Something to sell
• Someone to sell out to
• Desperation

Steps

1. Work as an artist - Work as an artist for several years. This will not only ensure that you have honed your craft, but also make you destitute and ready to cash in. (21 sec. )
2. If your government is supportive of the arts, think of moving somewhere else, like North Korea or America. (30 sec. )
3. Throw your integrity aside - Throw your integrity aside. You won’t need it where you’re going, mister! (37 sec. )
4. Become one with the masses - Turn your ear away from your own esoteric artistic preferences, and become one with the masses. Like what they like. Love what they love. Isn’t this fun? (43 sec. )
5. Have the time of your life - Stop being ahead of your time, and start having the time of your life! The most financially successful artists make their fortunes challenging only a few mainstream conventions, if any. (53 sec. )
6. Find the right corporation - You’ve completed your “masterpiece.” Now find the right corporate interest to sell out to. It’s time to carefully weigh your personal values against your monetary potential. (Sometimes it helps to imagine a scale made of diamonds.) (67 sec. )
7. A big part of selling out is knowing when to do it. Keep an eye out for deep pockets and avoid internet startups. (83 sec. )
8. Sign the dotted line - Sign on the dotted line, Mr. Commercial Appeal! Congratulations! You’re a starving artist no more. It’s everything you ever dreamed of. (90 sec. )
9. The Clash, The Who, Led Zeppelin, U2, The Ramones, Sting, and even Bob Dylan have been paid for allowing their music to be used in advertising. (105 sec. )