My Friend, My Enemy

Friendships grow from various elements in one's life.  Perhaps through introduction of a mutual friend or family member.  Possibly out of a dislike, that after sometime an understanding cleared a path to friendship.  Perhaps a romantic interlude, which later you both discovered you made better friends than lovers.  And also through introduction by your significant other.  Regardless of how you met, a bond of sorts has been created.  The two of you are almost inseparable, partners in crime so-to-speak.  You are familiar with each others habits, moments, sadness, joys, looks, words, body language and they are the one and only person you can think to call in a crisis or during the happiest moment of your life, despite that you are not alone and/or a billion miles away.  No matter what, they will always be there for you.

So how do you find the courage to admit when the friendship has turned into, or is heading in a direction that is damaging or interfering in your life?  Is there a way to turn this situation around without losing a friendship, or your best friend.  Why is it that you have always been able to talk about anything and everything, and I mean everything, and yet you can't find the strength or the courage to be honest with them about what your going through, when it relates to them personally?  If the friendship was founded through introduction of a past relationship, can the friendship survive when contact on both sides remains?  What if someone crosses that fine line created with a friendship?  At what point do you admit that the friendship is not salvageable, and is in fact creating an issue for you, personally?

Friendships, regardless of the nature in which they were created require the same honesty and communication found in that of family or intimate relationships.  When your best friend or confidant is also your lover or romantic partner, having issue's arise within the relationship can in some case's end it altogether, thus taking the friendship with it, but with communication and honesty kept up front, the possibility of losing both can be minimized.

Where friends are concerned, there is almost always the belief that they have an open and sometimes brutally honest form of communication with you.  Even if it's something you do not want to hear, well, a friend will be sure to tell you, regardless of the timing.  Sometimes this can happen much too often, and in time becomes the only type of communication shared.  If it appears that your friend strives to create drama in your life more often then they face themselves, finding a new approach to maintaining this friendship is needed.  There needs to be boundaries in place in which certain matters should remain outside of the friendship or not brought up under certain conditions.  There needs to be consequence's set and followed through should the matters present themselves.  Treating your friend as a child is not my meaning, unless of course, they act like one.  Basically, if you are at a club and you have already told your friend, "If my ex is here, I don't want their itinerary from entrance to exit of the club" that request should suffice.  You are there to enjoy yourself, not be reminded of a possible emotional issue by having it brought to your attention constantly.  However, if the persistence is there, perhaps it is better to excuse yourself from the rest of the evenings events.  If you arrived with them, or vice-versa, suggest a cab service, whether or not you choose to pay for their ride home is up to you.  This can also be determined by how often this situation occurs.

More often than not, the actions in which your friend may be attempting are not always negative, or are not intended in a negative manner.  Having a one on one conversation to discuss the issue is probably all that it will take to fix the situation.  However, if it is a situation in which you have found yourself in endless discussions and the matter has not resolved itself, then perhaps it's best to take a time-out approach.  This will allow for you to take the time to look at the friendship honestly and possibly find a new approach to resolving the matter, or if needed, to come to terms with the possibility of having to end a friendship.  Having a time-out will also give your friend the opportunity to see where their actions are creating issue's, especially if it's too the point in which emotionally you are unable to maintain a regular friendship with them.

When a friendship exists in which the friend is maintaining contact between you and an ex, the boundaries of what is and what is not acceptable are sometimes shadowed.  It may be that in the initial stages of a breakup, perhaps you were okay with hearing about the ex, especially if it was of a negative manner, such as they don't go out, they are miserable without you, they made a mistake when they ended it, they are miserable with the new person they are dating, etc....  However, when you find peace within yourself to let go of a past relationship, the last thing you want and/or need are constant reminders of the ex, whether good or bad.  In some instances, as the friendship remains with both parties, perhaps the friend is under the impression that the two of you belong together and is trying to find a way to bring you back together, regardless of who has moved on personally.  This is an area in the friendship that can make or break it, especially if the friend seems undeterred by your requests to stop the past references.  Again, honest and open communication needs to be used in this situation, however if it continues and there appears to be issue's coming forward in your new relationship due to the insistence of your friend, then a decision will have to be made by you.

As much as we would all love to have a glorious and drama free life, having family and friends does not allow this to happen all that often, if at all in some cases.  However, portions of your time with your family and friends are what help make the world a better place, despite the occasional bumps in the road.  When this happens, dealing with the issues immediately and honestly will help avoid hurt feelings and possibly avoid the need to end such friendships.

When your best friend is that of a sibling, the relationship can prove just as difficult as if you met as total strangers.  However the issues that can arise in some cases actually personally affect the family bonds associated.  Aside from the usual open and honest communication, keep in mind that despite having grown up in the same house, with the same rules that the events that occured from childhood through to adulthood may have very different views and should be addressed and dealt with accordingly.