How to Create an Unsafe 12-Step Support Group

There are probably few people who have not heard of some type of 12 Step Program (based on the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous). There are 12 Step programs for drug use, co-dependents, sex addicts, people in debt, gamblers, and people who eat too much.

Some claim that 12-Step programs in general are dangerous because they conflict with religious doctrines which are considered truth by many. This conflict lies mostly in response to various Christian movements regarding the specifics of biblical teaching as believed and preserved by various institutions of religion. The context of disagreement includes a perception that there is only one true God and that one cannot select a God according to his or her own understanding nor select a Power greater than oneself. Additionally, God must specifically be Jesus Christ (a member of the Trinity - God in Three Persons - a core Christian belief). Additionally, the concept that one asks God to remove ones shortcomings conflicts with the idea that only the Christian (true believer) can be transformed into the image of God. Those who do not believe in Jesus Christ are unable to have shortcomings removed because there are perceived as sinners by God. For the Christian who believes in fundamental, traditional Christian teaching, 12-step programs can easily be perceived as dangerous. Therefore, for those who believe in specific perspectives that conflict with concepts presented in 12-Step programs, these programs are unacceptable. Other religious perspectives too may consist of teachings which conflict in a similar manner to the ideas presented in 12-Step programs. Another complaint regarding 12-Step programs in the context of religious perspective is that of selfishness. Members often speak of how the Program is for them and all that they do including being of service is for their own recovery. This concept conflicts with the Christian view is that servants of Christ should be loving towards each other and to outsiders... that they should be kind to all...be of service for the sake of God.

The Traditions provided by Alcoholics Anonymous provide content which attempts to help members participate in a community of recovery. The Traditions stress common welfare as the priority. The focus is on the unity of the group. Sources of conflict should be discussed and resolved by the group. The danger in the ‘unity of the group' is for members not to listen to minority opinions. Members then become afraid to disclose opposing opinion for the sake of unity. One tradition presents the concept that the ultimate group authority is the Higher Power as expressed in the consciousness of the group and that leaders should not dominate. However, the Higher Power is defined individually by each member. Therefore, group agreement is considered a manifestation of the Higher Power (in other words, majority rules). Additionally, if leaders do not have servant hearts and try to dominate a group, a group takes on the personality, expectations, and behaviors of a ‘leader'. Behavior is controlled by the leader rather than by mutual majority agreement by the group's members. There are other issues mentioned in the Traditions which affect a group's affiliation with other members and groups and the outside world.

Our attention now turns to the issue of cross-talk. Unless a group specifies its meeting as a ‘cross-talk' meeting, cross-talk is usually not applied to meetings. Cross-talk is to distract or interrupt someone else's sharing. Examples of cross talk include direct interruptions of speech, referring specifically to someone else's sharing such as ‘I need to respond to what he just said' or ‘I really like what Joe shared'. Cross-talk, when not accepted by members or a group as a whole, is considered a distraction and reduces meeting safety. One example also includes ‘rebuttal sharing' where one member shares after another member but speaks in such a way to discount what the other member has said on key points. Knowing that one can be attacked in such a way may make one feel a meeting is unsafe. Oftentimes, those who engage in ‘rebuttal sharing' claim they speak only for themselves, but their choice of words and the way the words are shared often produce a confusing, uncomfortable, and distasteful response from members. Depending on the intensity of a rebuttal response, members who share in that way may leave a meeting early in order to avoid fallout (questions or comments) from other members.

Tips and Warnings:

• When attending a 12-Step meeting observe the way the meeting runs. How is the meeting structured?
• Recognize if there are individuals who appear to dominate a meeting. That could be a warning sign that the meeting is not a safe place. You may encounter criticism or your growth may be hampered by the inflexibility of the meeting's structure. Leadership should be rotational and no one person should dominate a meeting
• Try several meetings. Each meeting has its own style and collection of members. You may find yourself more comfortable in certain meetings more than in others
• Don't feel obligated to do what others tell you to do. Making choices for yourself that work best for you should be your goal
• Don't feel that you should go a particular meeting. Again, you should make the best decisions for yourself
• Don't feel obligated to go to any meeting. You are free not to attend meetings. Having balance in your life is a worthy goal. There are a wide range of activities you can choose from. Additionally, you can form friendships through a wide range of activities
• Stay away from people and meetings that you feel unsafe with. We are intimately connected to the Universe and are greatly affected by the expression of thoughts and behaviors of others. We need to be careful whom we allow in our lives