When is Cheating, Cheating?

I see questions all the time on the Internet that ask, "Is he/she cheating on me?", "How do I know when someone is cheating on me?", or "Is this considered cheating?" So I have done the research, and found there are a lot of ways to cheat or be considered cheating.

Is My Partner Cheating?

If you are in a relationship and are constantly asking yourself  questions like this then you should not be in that relationship. Even if the other person is not cheating on you, you should not be with them. It's apparent after all that if you are asking questions like this then you obviously have trust issues either with yourself or with the person you are in a relationship with. If there were total trust, questions like these would not enter your mind at all.

How Do I Know If Someone Is Cheating On Me?

Well unless you catch them red handed cheating on you with another person, have pictures/video of them cheating on you with another person, or they come right out and tell you they are cheating on you with another person then you will never know if that person is really cheating on you. But once again I will say it, if you are asking questions like this about the person you are in a relationship with, then you have no business being with that person. Why would you want to be? And DO NOT tell me it is because you love them, there is no love great enough on this earth to put you through the constant turmoil, wariness, and stress of all the time wondering if someone is cheating on you.

Is this considered cheating?

Depending on your "this" the answer is probably YES. In today's generation there are a million and one ways to cheat, emotionally and physically. There are people out there cheating without even knowing what they are doing is considered cheating. And with today's technology cheating is made easier then ever.

Physically Cheating

Well the word "Physical" pretty much sums it up, but some people tend to think that if two bodies are not having intercourse then they are technically NOT cheating. WRONG!! If you kiss someone that is not your significant other (children, parent or sibling) then you are cheating. If you touch someone else's booty, breast, or any other sexual area other then your significant others then you are cheating. If you wink at someone else other then your significant other then you are cheating. If you lick you lips or teeth at anyone else other then your significant other then you are cheating. If you brush up against someone else that you are attracted too other then your significant other then you are cheating. If you play footsies with someone else under any table other then your significant other then you are cheating. If you talk dirty or sexy to anyone else other then your significant other you are cheating. If you day dream about having sex with anyone else other then your significant other you are cheating. If you even hold hands with anyone other then your significant other (or children) then you are cheating. Anything that can be intimate in any way with anyone else other then your significant other is cheating.

Emotionally Cheating

What is emotionally cheating? An "emotional affair" is an affair, which excludes physical intimacy but includes emotional intimacy. It may also be called an affair of the heart. Where one partner is in a committed monogamous relationship, an emotional affair is a type of chaste non-monogamy without consummation. When the affair breaches an agreement in the monogamous relationship of one of the partners to the affair, the term infidelity may be more apt. (Wikipedia)

Emotional cheating can be difficult to understand. It's nothing like a real affair with intercourse. Emotional cheating does not by its own nature break any spoken vows, spread sexually transmitted diseases, or create those unwanted pregnancies. But Emotional Cheating can't always be spotted in the traditional ways like Physically Cheating.

Emotional Cheating can be as devastating to a marriage or a relationship as sexual unfaithfulness. Determining what is Emotional Cheating is important to a healthy relationship.

How Does Emotional Cheating Start?

People in general don't plan to be emotionally unfaithful to their loved one, but Emotional Cheating can start by casually talking with other coworkers or people they see on a regular basis and this grows into more than just being "friends." They go out for lunches, or maybe take business trips together, or make some kind of special effort to see this person with whom they are getting attached too. They think about their "friend" more and more often, until it becomes a definitive emotional bonded "friendship". These are signs of Emotional Cheating.

Internet Relationships

These types of relationships are becoming more and more popular since everyone either has the internet in their home or has access to the internet at work, school, or even at the library. Emotional Cheating can begin in chat rooms, social group sites (myspace, face book, tagged), and in forums. These evolve into private conversations and then into Emotional Cheating.

People who Emotionally Cheat over the internet may never meet their internet "friends". This allows that internet relationship to be able to flourish in public places such as the office or in private places such as one's own home. These bonds grow and Emotional Cheating can occur even when the coworker is at another desk or even when the family is in the same room.

With Emotional Cheating on the internet there is greater intimacy because you are anonymous and you are free to share the darkest parts of yourself that normally you are reluctant to share with others in person. Emotional Cheating becomes a dangerous game to play when you get involved with a mysterious stranger.

Women and Emotional Cheating

Women can be and usually are the ones that push relationships to the next level from friendship to love, from love to marriage, and from the computer to reality. Women are more emotionally involved and invested in their relationships including internet relationships and they envision their soul mates and life partners, but men see having an internet relationship as just one part of their everyday life, a fun part of their life. Now not all men are like this, there are those few men who do become very emotionally involved with an internet woman.

Signs of Emotional Cheating

If you share you and your significant others relationship with your "friend", and/or your fears, hopes, and dreams, then you are Emotional Cheating. If you are keeping your significant other waiting while you spend time with your "friend", then you are Emotional Cheating. If you meet your "friend" for dinner or lunch without telling your significant other, then you are Emotional Cheating. If you stay in regular, intimate contact with ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends, then you are Emotional Cheating. Emotional cheating can and often does spring from close relationships with past lovers. If you keep your computer, its files, and internet sites password protected from your significant other, then you are Emotional Cheating. If you hide or are secretive about your life, relationships, and activities of the day, then you are Emotional Cheating.

Summary

Great relationships do not happen over night and they never happen with out work and effort being put into it by both parties involved. Great relationships come from talking, being honest and open with each other. Great relationships come from TRUST. If you are not getting what you need from your significant other, and you start looking for that in someone else then please do everyone a favor and leave your significant other before you physically or emotionally cheat. Do not stay with your significant other because you "love" them, or you do not want to "hurt" them, or because everything else in that relationship is great but that "one" part that you are seeking in others, because if you really "loved" your significant other then that means you are being totally honest with them and whatever you feel is lacking you would tell your significant other and the two of you would work on it, try to find a resolution to the problem. If everything else in the relationship is great then that "one" part of the relationship would also be great. If you ever truly cared or loved your significant other then you would always honor them and yourself and do the right thing by first by leaving them before you ever Physically or Emotionally Cheat on them or yourself.

Remember life is short and your time should be filled with love and laughter, but if you are always wondering if your significant other is cheating on you then your life cannot be that full of that love and laughter. So talk to them, resolve it anyway you can, even if it means splitting up. Yes the splitting up will hurt, but it will also give the room needed in your life to find the "One" that will make you laugh,  the "One" that will make you love again, and the "One" that will make you stop wondering or worrying "what if?"

Resources: The Truth about Cheating by M. Gary Neuman (a licensed Family Counselor and Rabbi); Patterns of Infidelity and Their Treatment by Emily M. Brown (LCSW); Not "Just Friends" by Dr. Shirley Glass (Psychologist).