Absurd Laws From Around the World: “After having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a mortal sin to eat its flesh.”

DISCLAIMER:  This author has no idea if these laws have been repealed or are otherwise not enforced.  The following is meant to be funny and no citations are provided.  

Most Middle Eastern countries recognize the following Islamic law: "After having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a mortal sin to eat its flesh."  So what do you do, keep it as a mistress?  

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female.  Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.  Well, having sex with a cow certainly eliminates performance anxiety, cows are much less demanding than women.  

In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation is decapitation.  It’s similar at my house… the penalty for not masturbating is decapitation.  

In France, it is forbidden to call a pig Napoleon.  Calling a pet cockroach Napoleon is a-okay.  

In the UK, a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants – even, if she so requests, in a policeman’s helmet. Can she pee on him?  Can she request that he help her squat, or does she pee standing up feet spread? 

In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon more than six-feet long.  I suppose you can’t bring a battle axe to your friendly neighborhood bar.  

In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.  I can understand why their husbands may not want them to wear dentures at all; denture-less eliminates the risk of accidental injury. 

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman’s genitals but is forbidden from looking directly at them during the examination; he may only see their reflection in a mirror.  Objects may appear larger than they are. 

 In London, it is illegal to flag down a taxi if you have the plague.  What about if you have Ebola? 

 Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown-if they're nude.  Keep your socks or bras on and you should be fine.