Is Your Partner the Marrying Type or a Commitment Phobe?

You may be in a loving relationship and have been together long enough that you've begun to question if your partner will ever marry you. You may even be questioning if your partner is a commitment phobe. Some people assume that if you've been in a relationship for a long time and get along well, you will eventually get married. Unfortunately, only one partner may have marriage as a goal. It's crucial to find out where your partner stands with long-term goals for your relationship and if the goals are in proportion to your own. Don't assume your partner has the same goals as you do. How can you find out if your partner is the marrying type or if they may be a commitment phobe who will never marry you?

The First Step

The first step for finding out if your partner, is indeed, ready for marriage is to take off your blinders. You have to face the truth about your relationship and where your partner stands. After all, it is better to find out now instead of later if your partner is going to bail out because they fear marriage or are against it all together. Keep in mind, not everyone feels the need to get married, even if they love their partner and are commited to them. This may go totally against your beliefs. Better to find out now where you stand.

Assess What Your Partner Says

Does your partner just blow you off when it comes to the subject of marriage? Do they ignore what you say or change the subject? Do they say 'some day' or try in some way to delay a genuine conversation about marriage? If this is the case, your partner might have a fear of marriage. The dream you have of saying "I do" as you look your spouse-to-be in the eyes may be your dream only. Your partner's dream may be to maintain the comfort of the relationship you have now. It hurts deeply to realize this, but you shouldn't compromise on your dream and your beliefs.

Does your partner express feelings to you that marriage is just not for them? Some people are not too enthusiastic about the concept and commitment that marriage requires. Others do not want the work that is involved to keep a marriage running peacefully and healthy for the rest of their lives and with the same person.  Some fear that marriage will entrap them and feel they'll lose something instead of seeing what they can gain. If your partner is one of those people that expresses marriage isn't too great, you might want to bail out now. If you believe in marriage and your partner does not, you may not have as much in common as you thought. Look deeper into your relationship and assess how well your personal values in all areas go together.

Question Your Partner's Reasons

You're in a healthy and loving relationship with your partner. On the surface, there really is no reason that the two of you shouldn't be able to get married. You will find that people who are afraid of committing to marriage will make so many excuses to postpone getting married for years or completely. If you truly love each other and plan to stay together, you need to get to the bottom of your partner's reasons/excuses for not wanting to get married.

You and your partner might even get engaged. The thought of getting married may petrify your partner deep down. The sad thing is you have to realize the marriage may never take place. Some people will get engaged only to appease their partner and not face the truth that they never plan to get married. They can't make the full commitment their partner wants, yet they don't want to lose their partner, so they do what it takes to keep them - except the marriage part.

What are Your Choices

You have two choices if your partner has a fear of or objection to marriage. You can accept you will never move the relationship to the marriage level and find satisfaction in your relationship 'as is'. Or, you can break it off with your partner and find someone that is commited enough to marry you. It's a choice only you can make based on your beliefs. But, the question remains, if your partner is commited to you and loves you deeply, why would they fear making a lifetime commitment to you? Are they commited to the comfort you bring into their life or are they commited to YOU? Therein may lie many of your answers.