HERE'S HOW YOU CAN BUILD A WINNING MARRIAGE

HERE'S HOW YOU CAN BUILD A WINNING MARRIAGE:

By Casey Carlton

It's important for years to come, after the honeymoon is over, to build a winning marriage. After the diamond wedding rings are exchanged, there are elements that flow together to create a whole universe in which a marriage survives and thrives. The wedding, photography, jewelry all begins the process of marriage, but the ingredients must be blended together to form the safety net that catches the mistakes of each and gently puts them aside. Just as wedding planning takes time, it takes time to craft a marriage. Before marriage premarital counseling may be helpful going forward into marriage. After being single and dating, once the proposal is out there, most men and women are thrilled to be engaged. They can't wait to marry and have the other person for their spouse. The wedding planning can be so much fun. Then comes the work of building the happy marriage. The tools of therapy, tips, guidance, advice on marriage problems all blend together and can be used for a strong relationship and the happiness of both people in the marriage. A marriage license does not make love and marriage automatically happen. More of the tools are listed below. You may want to start your own check list of other ideas.

Step1 To build a winning marriage, communication is the keystone. Say what you mean in a clear fashion, easily understood by the other. If you don't understand what the other person meant, simply restate and verify it. Then you have a clear answer and can determine where you want to go with it. Mindreading, guessing what they think, and hinting around the bush went out years ago.

Step2 Sharing and boundries have a finite line of indistinction. Yes, that's what I said. In other words, what goes for some marriages, would fail in others. Determine where the line for sharing is drawn, and what is acceptable. Discuss it before stepping over the line if you don't already know the boundries.

Step3 Friendship is something you can depend on that allows you to really enjoy the other person without fear. It is huge companionship and many marriages are based on this. A friend gives the benefit of the doubt to the other. It's a way to disagree safely and have opinions validated.

Step4 Trust is always risky. You can trust them until you can't, and when you can't, trust has to be rebuilt for the relationship to go on. Trust can be given freely but when it is destroyed it is a hundred times more difficult to rebuild. It is easiest to always deserve it.

Step5 Realism is expecting, not perfection, but accepting things as they actually are. While the rose tinted glasses are on, all is fine, but perfectionism is eventually spoiled with the truth of things the way they are, not the way we would like them to be.

Step6 Permission to play refreshes the mind and gives each a broader outlook. It also helps a person appreciate the spouse more. A person too busy doesn't have time to be a good friend to the other. A refreshing pause can restore lost vitality in a marriage.

Step7 Conflict does not always have to have just one winner. Perhaps a way could be found, where both can win, with a resolution through compromise.

Step8 Sharing dreams while idly chatting can lead to goals, action, and then they come true. Having similar goals melds two people together for a lifetime and creates a bond of love that grows deeper and deeper as the years pass by.

Tips

• Use the tools daily to repair and maintain the relationship. After all, you two chose each other and know more about why you did, than outsiders.
• Don't listen to outsiders. You and your loved one are the only ones who really know what is going on in the relationship.

Resources

• Should I get engaged?
• Happily Tie the Wedding Knot
• Stay Happy After the Honeymoon
• How to Buy Wedding Insurance