Parenting: When is a Teen Ready for Sex

There is a lot of talk about “safe sex” today and very little about abstinence because the world thinks that waiting for the pleasures of marital sex is taboo, virginity a curse.  Children, who are struggling with so many issues in life, will probably select to engage in premarital sex if bombarded with sexual stimuli and peer pressure.

Candice Asks

I am 13 and I know that I am very ready to have sex.  All my friends are surprised because half of them have experienced sex.  It is not as if I am seeing anyone so there is no pressure.  I am just so ready and I want the first time over and done with.  Is this a big deal?

Human beings are "social animals".  Societies shape their habits, desires, hopes, fears, and beliefs.  This is also true of their sexual attitudes and behaviors.

One of the biggest findings with teens having intercourse is that the younger the person the more unrealistic the ideas are about sexual intercourse.  Young people tend to dream and talk about their first coitus long before it actually occurs.  Eventually, their hopes, fantasies including fears can turn the real experience into something wonderful, terrible, or mediocre.

Why do teens want to have sex?  Is it to add new dimensions to a mutually caring and respectful relationship? Most teens view life through the  crystal ball of fantasies.  Thus, the presentation re teen sex is, less the hazards, appealing and wholesome.

A teen is never ready for sex, even though teens may feel they are.  The fact that people call them teens means that they are young physically, emotionally, psychologically even in spirituality. Teen sex is bundled along with responsibilities and consequences. Feelings from unsatisfying sex, rejection, or abuse are possible repercussions teens will have to deal with.

Although some teens think that they are exception to the rule and that sex does not demand a ton of emotional weigh, still, sex for the sake of experience and curiosity is juvenile. Teen admiration and attraction is normal, but it becomes lust when a teen wants to 'bed down' every Tom, Dick, or Harry (or every Jane, Judy, or Jean).

Therefore, teen years are not the time for teen to have sex, even if the need feels like a heavy burden that teens desperately want to unload.  Sex is definitely not for teens, but sex education is.  Knowledge may not offer instant solution for teen’s sexual dilemma, but at least it can guide them objectively

So, when is a teen ready for sex?  It is the time when a person can connect sexuality and spirituality, when sex becomes a lot more than an idea, desire, or a fantasy.

Meanwhile, let us learn from David that waiting is a part of the normal Christian life. That waiting on God for the joys and pleasures of marital sex enhances the joy and pleasure of this gift, when God gives it.

Obviously, sex is a gift of God for the man and woman that they can only share and enjoy in the comfort of marriage. However, be assured that God always makes it worth the wait.  If you are in a hurry to eat, you can drive through for a “Happy Meal.”  However, if you desire a gourmet meal, you will have to wait a while.