Do You Know WHEN You Should Apologize To A Woman?

There are times when men apologize unnecessarily and it ends up sounding sarcastic or it seems to imply something. Unfortunately, what was intended to be a peaceful olive branch becomes an offensive thorn bush. Other times, a woman will sit and wait a painfully long time for an apology that seems ridiculously obvious, only to be further hurt in the end because her man just didn’t see where an apology was necessary. All of this could very possibly be an innocent mistake because he just didn’t know he should apologize. Well as earlier promised guys, we will now unfold the mystery of knowing when you need to apologize to a woman.

Gentlemen, in effort to understand this breakdown in communication, we should take a second to look at how men view things. We all know that men and women think very differently. Where we don’t necessarily always think about totally different things, we do, however, think of things in totally different ways. For instance, a good motto that captures one of men’s philosophies is: “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Men will come along and fix things once they’ve broken, but until then, he doesn’t see the problem. What would be the point in doing something before there’s a need for it?? As far as men are concerned, that’s a pointless waste of time. He doesn’t think he hurt you, so …why apologize?

Add to that - the idea that out of respect, men will wait until they’re asked before they’ll help. (Ladies, if you’re reading, this is a seemingly unrelated but important 2nd element.) To men, it’s not respectful or “polite” to acknowledge seeing someone’s error or folly. Offering to help a man do something (usually) means that you (the asker) see some inefficiency, and are therefore offering him help because he obviously can’t do it alone. Men don’t typically offer help because, to them it says: “You’re flawed and I can see that. Before you totally embarrass yourself, here – let me help you.” Now, get this. This is exactly how men treat pain also. When a man is hurt, he withdraws and doesn’t want to be seen as hurt or be bothered about it. This is why men don’t rush to apologize when they see we’re hurt. So out of respect, a man will not acknowledge another person’s pain. Giving space is his natural inclination and reaction to someone in “emotional” pain. So Ladies, even if they’re the source of that pain, it’s not in their nature to rush to you and nurture you.

Gentlemen, here is where you have to come to terms with this issue. Men and women just function differently. Neither women nor men are wrong in their natural response. We are only wrong when we do not adapt our responses to function better with others who are not like us. Women naturally respond to someone’s emotional pain by rushing to their side to nurture, comfort and support. We wouldn’t dream of abandoning someone in their time of hurt. It’s simply unthinkable. So when a woman is hurt, she (consciously or not) expects emotional attention and reassurance. When you don’t respond Gentlemen, it’s almost impossible to get out of that hole without Divine Intervention.

What’s fascinating to me about this difference between the sexes is this: As much as we know and talk about the difference between men and women, we continue to give the wrong kind of emotional support. Men and women both give the love and emotional support that THEY personally need, not the kind of love and support that their partners need. Gentlemen, you have to remember that when a woman is hurt she is going to need the support, comfort and reassurance that a WOMAN needs. She’ll be destroyed inside if you treat her as though she was a man and refuse to acknowledge her pain. She needs you to help her get over that pain by reassuring her that you love her, by being kind and gentle and compassionate, and she needs you to listen to her and be her friend. Gentlemen, this all starts with an apology.

So that is when you apologize, guys. When you have hurt her, when you realize that something you said or did has made her angry. When you’ve upset her or done something that has visibly caused her emotional pain. Her pain doesn’t have to make sense to you, it doesn’t have to add up, and you don’t have to agree. You just need to let her know that you’re sorry for being that source. You just need to love her and respect her enough to accept this:

1. you are a man
2. she is a woman
3. viva la difference!

Also see my article: How To Apologize To A Woman