The Pain of Being Involved with an Addict

An addiction may be alcohol, illegal or prescription drugs or an addiction that is sexually related. It could even be a gambling or shopping addiction. The emotional and mental pain is similar with all. If you are in a relationship or marriage with an addict, your partner's addiction can have profound effects on you.

Your partner's addiction may have started after you got involved or it may have been there before you met them. Sometimes the profound control an addiction has on a person isn't clearly seen until you are around someone for a good period of time. They can be sly about hiding their addiction. Maybe you thought you could be their rescue and fix them. This is rarely the case.

The mental and emotional pain associated with living with an addict can be very difficult. Their disease can become your disease, but of a different nature. You may become drained and very empty within this cycle of chaos. Living with an addict affects your well-being and health. Your quality of life will be affected.

The addict can put the whole family in chaos from losing their job, to spending large amounts of money on the substance of choice, to being cruel and abusive. It's painful to witness someone you love, destroying themselves when you know they have options, they have resources for help. It's so tempting to want to help the addict, but no one can help them until they admit they have a problem and have the desire to be helped. We cannot be their "fix". The addict has to accept responsibility for their behavior. They also have to accept the consequences.

With an addict, often comes lies, deceit, possibly stealing. How can a relationship be healthy when these elements are involved? It can't! You wake up each day not knowing what the day will hold. Will the addict choose to "use" or will you have refuge for a slight moment. You often go to events by yourself or feel very lonely. Your life becomes so unpredictable that you wonder if you have a life at all.

The addict consumes the relationship. You walk on eggshells in hopes of not doing anything to cause them to turn to their addiction. You don't cause this, but often they blame others for having to turn to their addiction. You no longer have a mind of your own because you're afraid of speaking out and "rocking the boat". You hold your feelings inside as if you don't deserve to be heard. Life becomes one-dimensional - the addict's toward their addiction and yours toward the addict and their addiction.

If you are enabling the addict, you're hurting them and yourself. Enabling helps the addict to continue the addiction. Don't make excuses for them. Don't take over the responsibilities that are the addicts. They may have to hit rock bottom before they seek help. Don't let the addict's disease become your disease. If the addict refuses help, seek help for yourself.

Addicts aren't bad people. They are people who, for whatever reason, felt the need to turn to a substance and got hooked. It could happen to any of us under certain circumstances. But,  we cannot be their "fix".