How to Be A Jew Surrounded By Gentiles

My twins' 11th birthday was at a Laser-tag place 15 miles from my house. I drove 9 little boys through a snow storm going 15 miles per hour, and the car was noisy. I had the music up because I had no interest in what they were saying and I was trying to drown them out. Suddenly, I heard the word: Jew.

I turned the music down all the way, and said, "What was that?"

A kid in the row behind me said, "I said, my dog hates Jews."

My mind reeled. I started feeling sick. I thought maybe I misunderstood. I asked him, "What do you mean?"
He said, "My dog hates Jews. He will kill any Jew who comes into my house."

I thought desperately for a moment. Do I throw him out of the car? "How old are you?" I asked.

"11" he said.

Well. He's eleven. He's a child. I have a responsibility to explain to this little monster that this is wrong. So laboriously, even reluctantly (I'm thinking, his parents fed him this, who am I to change his mind?) I explain:

Your dog does not hate Jews. Your dog does not know what a Jew is. Your dog can't tell the difference between Jews, Mexicans, Irish, or any one else. And also.

That is a very insulting and hurtful statement. When you tell someone your dog hates Jews, you are hurting their feelings. And (thinking kids don't understand antisemitic, but they understand prejudice) it's a prejudiced thing to say. Believe me, take my advice, never say something like that again because it hurts people's feelings and it's just plain wrong.

So the boy said, "Ok, but my dog really does hate Jews. If Daniel (my son) were to come into the house, he would kill him, but if Sam (my Lutheran neighbor) were to come it, he would be fine with that."
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2
My sons are growing up as a minority in a picturesque village in a public school system where there are perhaps 5 Jewish families, a scattering of Black families, maybe 2 Indian and 2 Asian.

I attended Christian schools and lived in Gentile neighborhoods growing up. I married a non-Jewish man. But because I am Jewish, my sons are Jewish. What do I do about helping them understand how to be Jewish in this anti-semitic world?

The kids in the car sensed my discomfort. Suddenly someone said, "All people are equal," and I could tell the kids were kind of struggling to make this okay, and they were happy someone had said this. This is what they learn in school. All people are equal.

Then from the back of the car, a little voice triumphantly said, "Yeah, and Jews are REALLY good with money."

It was hopeless.
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3
My sons like this boy whose dog hates Jews. For a while I would not let them play with him. I considered having a talk with his parents, but then rejected the idea. After all, they feel the way they feel. I was not going to change their minds. Not only that, but they didn't move to a Jewish neighborhood...I moved here! This is not their fault.
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4
My sons attend a congregation about a half hour from the house, so they can get a Jewish education. This, in spite of the fact that I am a secular Jew, a humanist Jew. But identity can be self-hating, and I can't allow that to happen. I have to protect my boys.
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5
Daily I'm accosted by well-meaning Gentiles who want to tell me about their views. I know it's well meaning, and yet so ignorant, it's mind blowing. They love Jews, because we are the Chosen People or something, and they hate Jews, because we are satanic.

One of the sweetest most generous people I know is always offering to help me save money by 'jewing people down'. I have to get past that because although I have explained to her that this is not a politically correct way to talk to anyone, much less a Jew, she can't hear me.
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6
One way to live outside of a ghetto is to consider yourself a citizen of the world. As a human being, I celebrate diversity. I want to feel part of everyone, no matter where or what, and I want to be kind, no matter to whom, and generous, no matter who needs it. I want my children to learn this method of living in the world, and it has little to do with religion, and much more to do with being a human being. I should say it differently: A HUMAN BEING, capital letters. Someone who is more. Better. Strives for connection with all.
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7
Food is a central theme in my life. I love vegan food and I love to adapt recipes, although I don't pretend to be vegan, but I love the healthy aspects of veggies and fruit, and how to make classical recipes work in that context. Jewish mediterranean cooking is a favorite, with the mixture of sweet and salty, and I try to bring this wonderful ethnic food into my home so my boys can experience a world class cuisine. I hope that because they are exposed to this, they can eat anything, anywhere. At least, eventually.