Fear of Commitment - Understanding the Reasons

Some relationships end or some only go so far because one or both parties have a fear of commitment. They can only get so close to someone else until the fear sets in. The fear of commitment may cause them to bail out of the relationship or it may drive a wedge between them and their partner. Some people who have a fear of commitment continuously run from each relationship they get into. It becomes a cycle where they don't stay put in any one relationship for an extended period of time. This not only wears them down, but it hurts the partners they get involved with intensely. Why do people fear commitment?

Why Some Men Fear Commitment

Many men who fear commitment don't want to lose their freedom. Men like to go out with their buddies or do their own thing without having to feel they need permission to do so. They don't want to lose their personal space or have a partner who may put demands on them. They don't want to lose their identity of being independent.

They also question if they will be able to make a commitment to having only one sex partner. For some men, the thought of monogamy causes another fear to set in. Some men have been burned by females who were gold diggers and they don't want to take the chance of giving up their hard earned money and assets for someone who may be using them. Some have been cheated on and left by their wives and in the process of divorce, lost custody of their children. Crossing over from bachelorhood to commiting to one person can cause fear of the unknown or make a man feel trapped. Even though the man may have a strong desire to be commited, his fear may overshadow that desire.

Why Some Women Fear Commitment

Women usually fear commitment because they've been burned numerous times. They've been played. They've been cheated on and lose trust that any man will be trustworthy and remain faithful. They've heard the pretty words and felt the tender touch only to find out the man was using her or bailed out to see if the grass was greener on the other side. They may feel like a victim and lose faith that a relationship will ever be different than they've experienced.

Some have been very devoted wives and yet their husband's cheated and bailed out, resulting in divorce. The woman's life is totally uprooted, forcing her to start anew and often very unprepared for what lies ahead. She's tired of getting her heart ripped out. She fears history may repeat itself if she commits herself once again. Once she works hard to reconstruct her life, she fears letting another man in. She doesn't want to lose that independence and sometimes being alone feels more comfortable than getting close to someone again.

How to Deal with the Fear of Commitment

There are many people who are still single, afraid of commitment, yet are very lonely. They resist commitment because of their fears. These fears come from different places...from actual experience or from ingrained fears early in life. Emotional patterns begin in childhood and the fear of commitment is about unresolved issues within themselves more than experiences they've had with the opposite sex. These are usually deep-seated fears that don't just affect relationships, but probably most other decisions made in life.

The core fear issues need to be looked into and resolved before a person is able to commit freely to anyone. Fear of failure, fear of rejection and fear of losing is usually at the core. If fears are ingrained, you need to fix yourself first before you'll be able to commit. You need to rid yourself of the hauntings from the past in order to open yourself completely to love and trust. The fears prevent you from trusting yourself and trusting that someone else can love you fully and genuinely.

If your fears are from experiences...change your attitude! Being commited isn't taking your options away. It provides you with new and different options. It's offering more options that are long lasting and filled with substance. It's much better to wake up to the same person each day, knowing they love you than to walk aimlessly through life trying to get another date that may lead nowhere because of your fear of commitment.

There's a catch! You have to find the right person for you in order for your investment to overshadow your fear. Not everyone will use you. Not everyone wants your money. Not everyone will cheat and leave. You have to move slowly in a relationship, get to know the person very well and instill the utmost trust. You also have to trust yourself.

Never just bail out of a relationship without explanation if you start to get cold feet and have a fear of commitment. This causes an intense pain for your partner and takes a long time to heal from. Your partner is left confused, angry and hurt because they can't understand why you left all of a sudden without explanation.

If you are in a relationship and fear commitment, realize you need to deal with the fear or your relationship will either end or remain stagnant. Talk openly with your partner about your fears. Realize you only have one life to live and cannot live it fully as long as fear is holding you back. Release your fears and find deeper meaning in life and love. History does not always have to repeat itself. You can write a new chapter in your life.