Is Your Relationship Based on Love or Dependency?

Do you have an uneasy feeling about your relationship to the point you wonder if your partner even loves you? Do you find yourself constantly questioning why they are even with you because their behavior doesn't indicate love? If you sense your partner truly doesn't care about you, maybe your partner stays because they are dependent on you.

If you feel you are with someone who doesn't truly care about you, but won't leave the relationship, it's time to look at reality. Do you want a healthy relationship where there is balance between the giving and taking or do you want someone who is there because of a dependency?

Your partner may be dependent on you for various reasons. They may be emotionally dependent because of deep insecurities, because they are terrified of being alone or because they won't accept responsibility for building their own life and own sense of fulfillment. Emotional dependency is when someone gets their needs met and builds themselves up, not from inside of themselves, but from the external. They depend on other people and things to give a sense of fulfillment.

A dependency may also be associated with an agenda where you meet a need such as offering your partner a lifestyle, money or a home they otherwise aren't going to get for themselves.

If you are with someone who doesn't treat you well, but they show no signs of leaving, you need to ask yourself why you settle for this kind of relationship. Maybe you feel the need to be the rescuer. Maybe you have your own issues such as fear of abandonment or a dire need for acceptance. Your partner may stay with you because of dependency, but the question is...why are you staying with them?

You need to identify what causes you to keep someone around that gives nothing and takes everything. As long as you allow someone to treat you badly and not give anything back, they will continue. You have to put your hand on the steering wheel and go after what and who will offer genuine love and caring in a well-balanced relationship.

Look carefully at the history of your relationship. Do you want it to keep repeating itself or get out before you are totally burned and move on to something and someone more positive? Start with looking at yourself first and figuring out why you are staying with someone who is there, not out of love, but dependency. Realize you don't have to settle. You deserve someone who loves you and genuinely cares. But, you have to believe that in order to have it in your life.

Some signs of emotional dependency:

* they aren't comfortable giving you personal space

* they often get involved very quickly. You probably heard "I love you" within a very short period of time

* they are often jealous and afraid of anyone or anything taking your attention away from them

* low self-esteem. May come across as tough and cuts others down in order to boost themselves

* unable to express emotions freely, clearly and in an appropriate manner. May transfer anger at those who have nothing to do with what they are angry about.

* they talk, you listen and very rarely are you listened to or understood. Your feelings and thoughts are not their priority because they are self-focused on getting their needs met.

* controlling behavior. They want to control you so they have you where they want you in order to meet their needs.

* makes you feel sorry for them so you won't leave. You may hear horror stories about their childhood or how their ex treated them poorly. At the same time you begin to question if they like you, much less love you by the way they treat you.

* they may show signs of dependency on food, drugs, alcohol, sex or anything that becomes habitual and a way to fulfill them

Some signs of dependency with an agenda:

* you always pay for most everything

* you have a sense of being used

* they are manipulative and try to instill guilt so you do even more for them

* they no ambition in life, possibly has no job and you are their meal ticket. They make excuses for not paying their own way.

* they may be mean to you one day and turn nice the next, conveniently when they want something else from you. They may even apologize for their behavior, but they don't take steps to clean up their act.

* just as you think there is hope and they start behaving so nicely and you believe they are changing, it comes crashing down. You recognize the agenda all too well. It becomes a repetitive cycle and one that leaves you empty.

It's important to have a reality check and discover if you are in a relationship based on love or dependency. Do you want to live the rest of your life feeling caged in and without knowing what genuine love is? Or...do you want to break free and open yourself to a two-sided relationship with substance, genuine love and caring?