Healing a Broken Heart

There's nothing quite as crushing as a broken heart. You've been dealt a heavy emotional blow and just like a physical wound, your broken heart is going to require a little time to heal. There's no quick-fix solution to make you instantly feel on top of the world again but there are some things you can do to speed up your recovery. So, follow these tips and you'll be on the way up before you know it.

Cry your eyes out

That's right, open the floodgates and let those tears stream down your face. Don't feel in the slightest bit embarrassed. You've been hurt and it feels bad so grab a bit of private time and let it all out. If those tears need a bit of coaxing, try watching a sad movie, listening to some songs that pull at the heart strings, or find a sympathetic ear to pour your heart out to. Whatever you need to do to get those tears flowing, do it. Bottling it all up won't do you any good. Go on, ball your eyes out. You'll feel better for it afterwards.

Time heals

Now that you've had a good cry it's time to get yourself on the road to recovery. So, how long are you going to be feeling like this? Unfortunately there's no short answer to this. How long this will take will depend on a number of things: How serious the relationship was, how deeply you'd fallen for this person, and your level of sensitivity are just a few of the factors involved here. In short, there's no time frame but if you take onboard our tips, you'll be able to deal with the situation in a positive way that won't prolong the pain you're experiencing. The one thing you need to realise is that you will get over this so hang in there and be positive.

Emotional roller coaster

One minute you're up, the next you're down. You love them, you hate them. You're sad, you're angry. You've been dealt a heavy emotional blow and you're going to be experiencing a range of intense feelings. While you were in the relationship you probably experienced some very strong, positive emotions. Now you have to deal with the flip side to those feelings. It's not going to be easy but you need to allow yourself to feel them. Trying to subdue them may make things worse in the long run. You may find it helpful to write down how you're feeling. Maybe try writing a bogus letter to your ex (please note, this should never, ever be sent to them). It's purely to help you understand how you're feeling and to help you work these emotions out of your system. Once you've done this, you can start to get your life back on track.

Talk about it

Talking about what's happened with someone who won't mind if you shed a few tears can really help and this is where friends and family are worth their weight in gold. They'll all be willing to offer a shoulder to cry on and depending on how bad you're feeling, you may need to do this a few times. So call them up and let it out. It may be sensible to avoid the friends who will also be in contact with your old partner as this could just complicate things. Concentrate on the friends who will be supportive and caring.

Don't go off the rails

Don't do anything rash! Rebounding straight into the arms of someone you're really not interested in, locking yourself away and eating a mountain of chocolate, or drowning your sorrows may seem like an appealing way to numb the pain, but long term it's not going to do you an ounce of good. You'll only be masking the issue by reacting in a negative manner which means those emotions may very well bubble to surface at a later date as you haven't allowed yourself time to deal with things properly. Positive behaviour will get your heart on the road to recovery a lot quicker than negative behaviour, so keep it together.

I see my ex-partner everywhere

You smell things that remind you of them. You think you've glanced them at the supermarket. You spot what looks like their car everywhere. Every song on the radio reminds you off them (even the ones that have absolutely no relevance). Everywhere you look in your home there's a reminder of them, and it's all driving you crazy. This will subside in time but there are some things you can do to ease the pressure right now. Hide anything in your home that has a link to them. Delete those songs from your iPod that make you think of them. Don't buy food that you loved to share together. Turn off the love song on the radio when it comes on. Don't watch love movies. And if you live in the same city as them, keep well away from where they're likely to be.

Should you call them?

One day you were on top of the world and enjoying a fabulous life with this person then they pull the rug from under your feet and your world comes crashing down. You're nursing some pretty badly bruised emotions and making contact with the person who's dealt you this big blow may very well inflame the pain you're trying to deal with. It's a big ask, but you need to accept that they've made their decision. If they've made it very clear that it's over, you need to move on and get on with your life which brings us to the next tip: Learning to love yourself again.

Feel good about yourself

Don't beat yourself up over this. They've made their decision and you've got to accept it and move on. And moving on means you have to feel good about yourself. Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself day after day isn't going to help. After all, you're not going to attract a potential new partner if you appear bitter and depressed. Think of all the great things you have to offer the world. Concentrate on them or write them down if you like and start to feel good about yourself again. While you're at it, have a think about some activities you can get involved in such as social events or sports. It'll help to keep your mind busy and positive and it can be an excellent way to meet new people. You're a great person and never forget it.

Learn from the relationship

Once your emotions have settled a little and you've come to accept that the relationship is over, It's time to do a bit of soul searching. You may find it useful to sit down with pen and paper and write a few things down. What can you learn from this relationship to ensure you don't end up in a similar situation in the future? Are there things you've discovered about yourself - both negative and positive - that you can learn and grow from? What about your old partner? What were the things you really liked and the things that bugged you about them? Thinking about this could help to ensure you end up with a new partner who really is right for you.

Moving on

One day you'll wake up say to yourself. "Hey, I feel okay today". You'll notice that you've gone for a few hours without thinking about them. You haven't seen their face everywhere you look. You can listen to the radio without wincing every time a love song comes on. And if you do think about them, it's not accompanied by a sinking feeling and a surge of emotions. Well, done! You've made it. Now, get yourself out there. The wonderful person who is right for you is waiting.