A Disenchanted, Out Of Touch, Middle Aged Man's View - Episode 1

Okay, I think I have a grip on this.   We the people, being a kinder and gentler society, prohibit and chastise all that is not politically correct and nice. Voice your opinion until hell freezes over, but do it positively, with a smile. When your neighbor tosses empty beer cans on your lawn and comments how attractive your 15 year old daughter is, smile and go to a happy place. The Deliverance Hillbilly that cut you off in traffic and made reference to your Mother and a farm animal, say hey Gomer. The Boss wants you to work overtime on your anniversary, it's all good, I had sex last year.

Granted, every individual has the right to exist peacefully, but can't we let these folks do it on an island in the path of a tsunami? Yep, I know... I'm a Neanderthal whose knuckles drag when he walks. Also aware that all I have to do is change the channel to the bald,fat, depressed middle aged man's network for the reality challenged. When did it become acceptable behavior to play the fool and WANT people to see it? Must have been during that alcoholic blackout that lasted ten years I refer to as my 20's. Personally, my life would be greatly enriched by the removal of these individuals:   Amy Winehouse - My Wife tries to make me go to see you I say no, no, no....
Rush Limbaugh - Dick Cheney is much more appealing on a stomach full of Prescription Narcotics.
Elizabeth Hasselbeck - This Prom Queen should have a career as the victim in slasher flicks, I'd pay to see that...Twice. Donald Trump - Yeah Donnie yer a tough guy. Going after a 200 pound obnoxious lesbian, not much ammo there.
Rachel Ray - Never saw anyone get so aroused by a plate of penne pasta. Yummy this babe.
Richard Simmons - Just once, teach some fat chick to put her fingers down her throat.
Howard Stern - Most males get their fill of porn and fart jokes by 18.
Ashton Kutcher - Wait 15 years and look at Demi naked, Dude you got punked!!
Michael Jackson - Geez, where do you start
50 Cent, Ludacris, and every other rapper on the planet - Take off the bling, put on a shirt, pull up your pants, and kindly speak the Queen's English. I don't mean to he hatin, I don't want my shorties seein your shorts. Word dat dog.
Ted Nugent - The loin cloth was cool, 30 years ago.
Paris Hilton - See Michael Jackson
Barry Bonds - I didn't know diet and exercise made the head swell and the testicles shrink.
The Inventors of Cell phones, iPods, Blackberry's etc. - I hope your testicles shrink. What does a teenager have to say that's so damn important, especially while driving a car.
Lawyers - If they didn't have opposable thumbs, there would be a bounty on them.
The Lifetime Channel - Has every female in America been robbed, abused,controlled, murdered, adopted, bulimic, anorexic, etc. etc. etc. and why is it always a man's fault? Why don't they just broadcast live castrations from third world countries to the throngs of cheering housewives?
George Clooney - If my wife calls me Georgie one more time in bed (of course it's pitch dark) Man, get some scars.

If you're wonder why Oprah is conspicuously absent from this article, I'll gladly offer an explanation. Anyone who can provide me with an hour a day that I don't have to talk to my old lady is okay with me.