How to be Successful in Relationships

Identify and limit your expectations

A relationship must have some expectations. Even when we go to a grocery shop we expect a few things like good behavior and assistance from the grocer. In every relationship, either temporary or permanent, we need to expect the least. When we approach the enquiry counter we shouldn’t expect the receptionist to be in a good mood. Of course we can complain the authority if she is not, but that is not going to make things easier. In the same way if you always expect your partner to oblige to your likes and dislikes then it’s more of a dictatorship than a relationship. The person, who is sharing this relationship with you, appreciates freedom as much as you do. So allow her some personal space. Expecting too much from yourself may also make you servile. A complete understanding of the expectations is the essence of a healthy relationship. Too much expectation also introduces possessiveness in a relationship. Possessiveness if doesn’t ruin the relationship, surely makes it an unhappy one.

Don’t try to gain respect

Most relationships are based on ethical values. If you have an amicable personality then you will be respected and loved by all. But trying hard to gain respect is just so stupid. How can you expect others to respect you? This is not something that you should control. The only thing that you can control is that you can be respectful to all. Even your enemies deserve some respect. When you are paying someone his due respect, you are not humiliating yourself. On the contrary you are elevating yourself as a man with integrated personality. If someone yells at you and you yell back then what is the difference between you and him? Respect can’t be gained by force, so it’s totally useless.

Avoid strong expressions and feelings

Having strong feelings about someone makes you biased and thus prevents you from exploring other aspects of his personality. Get rid of the habit of using strong words in conversations. This may make you popular in some limited circle but then you will be considered rude in general. Don’t try to differentiate between ‘good’ or, ‘bad’ in a very strong way. This will only make you look strange. In case you have to choose then use ‘good’ instead of bad and try to focus only on the good side. This is positivity. Faultfinding is easy and it has been an essential element in ruining relationships that could otherwise be successful.

Choose love instead of hatred

For the sake of your own well being, don’t consider anyone your opponent or enemy. Don’t hate anybody. If someone insults you for apparently no reason then consider him mere ignorant. Pity him, avoid him but don’t hate him. Hatred makes you a perfect villain. Hatred instigates anger and anger makes you behave inappropriately. Be kind to your partner and love him for the good things he has. Don’t even use the word ‘hate’. If you frequently say that you hate someone then you will actually end up in hating. Don’t call anyone your enemy or rival not even in private. Wise men choose to fight with themselves which means you can’t do better if you go on comparing yourself with others. Let the good things they have, influence you. Lust, ego, greed are the true enemies of yours and they are the ones you should fight with, not the person you are having this relationship with.

Let go of your ego

Whenever conflict occurs in a relationship, it should be resolved as early as possible. It is our ego that delays this process. “I want to make up, but why should I be the first?” This particular thought is behind it all. Sometimes we just remain silent and expect the other person to understand and appreciate us. This is completely irrational. If someone must come forward, it must be you. The ability to resolve conflicts is a great skill that only a wise man may possess. Don’t miss such a golden opportunity. Be humble. Don’t let the ego come between you and the other person.

Be righteous

Be good from within. Make yourself better each day. Your must not measure the value of a relationship in terms of on sex or money. Try to find the essence of human relationships. Try to go beyond earthly matter. You can define a person with phrases like ‘parents’, ‘friend’, ‘girl friend’, ‘colleague’, ‘landlord’ etc. But first of all try to define them in terms of humanity. Love and respect them as human beings, impartially.

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