Single Parents: How To Tell The Kid's How You Feel

Perhaps the most emotionally draining situation a single parent will ever encounter is the moment to tell the kids how you feel. Separation is an agonizing predicament fraught with stresses, and is a difficult enough concept for an adult to comprehend, let alone a child. No magical words a single parent can utter will eliminate the pain of both the adult and child, but with a little tact and diplomacy the sting can be reduced. The key is to approach the subject with a gentle, soft spoken demeanor, and truthfully answer the onslaught of questions that will lead to an understanding.

The depth and tone of how to tell the kids how you feel is dictated largely upon the ages and maturity level of the children. Older children will most likely reject cursory reasoning, and the questions asked on their part tend to be more thought provoking and inquisitive on a personal level. While it is in the best interest of honesty to answer all questions, some topics are too adult in nature to broach. These inquiries should be replied to with a firm " that's between me and ____." Younger children tend to think they may be able to "fix" your broken relationship, assure them that you and your former partner have exhausted all possible avenues of conciliation to no avail. Single parents often feel the need to cry on a sympathetic shoulder, that shoulder does not belong to your child.

Single parents who feel the need to keep their emotions bottled up when asked about them are setting a bad precedent, as kids tend to emulate behaviors they observe. This can snowball in the worst scenario, where the child become emotionally distant because of the parental examples displayed by the single parent. Open and unrestricted lines of communications originated by the single parent allow for a stronger bond to eventually establish, and provide a sound base for future problem resolution between the two. Hopefully, this will make the single parent with good communicative skills to become the "go to" person for a child in dilemma.

When the single parent tells the kids how they feel, it should always have a positive spin put upon the situation. Recognizing that some relationships are train wrecks from their inception, this can be tremendously taxing, but don't lie to the children. Instead, steer clear of the negative aspects of the past relationship, and dwell on happy times, no matter how limited they may have been. Refrain from injecting negativity in the conversation if possible, and bad-mouthing your former partner serves no purpose other than making the single parent sound childish and vindictive. Explain to the kids that the dynamics of the relationship between yourself and the kids will not change, and the same applies to the kids relationship with your ex-mate. When single parents finally solve the question of how to tell the kids how they feel, a burden is finally lifted, allowing for a fresh start for all.