10 Things to Know Before Punching a VC for Money

1. He may have a gun. This one is pretty important. VC were soldiers and carried guns. It is never advisible to punch someone with a gun.

2. He might not have any money. VC were also known as being pretty poor. He might not have any money at all! If you're comfortable with punching him on the offset chance he's picked up an errant quarter ahered to the ground with some nine month old chewing gum, go for it.

3. He might not even be alive. He could be your Uncle Chuck's stuffed commemorative Vietnam trophy. The stuffed Viet Cong in your Uncle Chuck's den is one of a list of about two-hundred and fifty reasons he hasn't been at your family Christmas since 1981. Needless to say, Uncle Chuck is financially savvy enough to carry is money in his sock rather than in the VC in his den. Punching this dummy would be fruitless

4. He might have friends. The Viet Cong is not a solitary hunter. Rather, he is a tribesman. They travel in packs. Where there's one, there's bound to be four more hiding in places no one else would hide. Check the biohazard bin at the clinic if you are considering punching your VC medical practicioner. Also consider getting a different medical practicioner. The Viet Cong are not known for their work in the medical field. Eight-armed Hindu dieties may disregard this rule as they have plenty of fist to go around.

5. He might know kung fu. Did you know that 98% of the planet's population is proficient in at least one form of Kung Fu? Studying Bruce Lee movies prior to punching your VC for money is advisible. Avoid Jean Claude Van Damme movies, as these may cause cerebral hemmoraging.

6. Bring friends. If you have altruistic friends who are just in it for the punching, bring them along! However, make sure that they are aware that the profit is solely yours or you may be "accidently mistaken" for a VC. You will then be punched for your money.

7. Bring Hmong people. Hmong hate the Viet Cong more than your Uncle Chuck. They don't drink a handle of Gentleman Jack for breakfast and most of them don't sleep naked with an assault rifle, but they do have a healthy dislike for the Viet Cong, who persecuted them during the war for supporting US soldiers. To further enrage your Hmong ally, tell him or her that the Viet Cong has insulted his mother and also has keyed his car. Informing him of other false dissing is also advisible.

8. Set a trap. Leave food or quantities of money in an open space and wait for a Viet Cong to pick them up. When he or she is upon the bait, spring forth with your Hmong and altruistic in-it-just-for-the-punching allies and give him or her a wallop. Ideal bait includes travel visas to countries that are not Vietnam.

9. Think big. Why just wait for the chance encounter? Seek out your quarry at Viet Cong gatherings. Popular Viet Cong hangouts include tunnels, jungles, caves, Chuck. E. Cheese's and the local Jiffy Lube. Note that there will be more than one Viet Cong at these gatherings, so bringing some Hmong or altruistic friends is advisible.

This may also be disregarded if you are an eight-armed Hindu diety.

10. Punching people for money is illegal, even if they are Viet Cong. Did you know this? Neither did I. Back to the drawing board, I guess.