10 Annoying Roommates You Should Never Let Move-In

Every once in a while, the God's of Awesome Roommates will shine on you and you'll find that one perfect housemate. The type of housemate who's quiet, pays the rent on time and who even remembers to wash his dishes before they begin to mold in the sink.

But as is more often the case, the person who answers your “Seeking Clean, Responsible Roommate” Advertisement in Craigslist is anything but.

Here's a list of 1o people that you wouldn't want to share a Hot Pocket with, let alone a house.

The Roommate that Writes Passive-Aggressive Notes

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You stumble into the kitchen in the morning and the first thing you see placed on top of last-nights small pile of dirty dishes is a handwritten note that reads:

“Are these yours?”

Of course your roommate knows the answer to this question. There are only two of you living there, so who else's could they possibly be? Your pet turtle's? The next-door-neighbor's? Or maybe they belong to the stick that's permanently wedged up your roommates butt?

In addition to the 'it was just an innocent question' note, the Passive-Aggressive Note-Writing roommate will occasionally leave you a message designed to make you think she's writing out of concern for your well-being.

“Before I finished cleaning the living room and emptying the trash,” her note will begin. “I just wanted to make sure that you didn't want any of these.” And then your eyes will follow the arrow she's drawn that points to your stack of old magazines. Maybe on the surface her note reads: I care. I'm a considerate roommate. But the real message hidden beneath that is something slightly more sinister:

“Clean up after yourself, you lazy slob, you!”

The Roommate that Always Brings the Party Home

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You never see this roommate much, because when he's not at the bar drinking, then he's shut away in his room sleeping it off. But you can often see traces of him left over from his drunken-escapades the night before. The half-cooked omelet on the stove. The DvDs strewn around the living room floor. The vomit in the bathtub or the urine in the kitchen sink.

All of this can be tolerated though, so long as you aren't the one stuck hosing the puke splatter off the mailbox. But what knocks this drunken housemate onto the bad roommate list, is that he and his six-pack of beer usually come with a six-pack of wasted friends.

You'll usually meet his 27 nearest and dearest in your living room at two in the morning. You'll wake up to the smell of Burger King and beer and then be kept awake for hours listening to the shrill laughter and loud, booming voices of drunk people as they watch reruns of The Office.

“Hey!” you'll hear one of them call out from the kitchen. “Can I drink summa this wine?”

“Yeah, go ahead!” will come your roommate's reply. “It's my roommate's...but she'll never notice!”

The Roommate that's ALWAYS THERE

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Every time you turn your key in the front door, you pray that for once, your roommate will be gone and you'll have the apartment to yourself.

But as you swing the door open, you feel your dream melt into a little puddle at your feet, for there she is again, doing step-aerobics in the living room.

“Hiya!” she greets as she straightens up from her squat position. “I'm doing 'Buns of Steel Four.' Wanna join in?”

No. You don't want to join in. You'd been counting on spending the evening catching up on those Entourage episodes you'd TiVoed three weeks ago. By yourself. But there goes any chance of that happening. Because in addition to never leaving the apartment, your roommate also never leaves the couch. You'll now be forced to watch another House marathon while the Roommate that's ALWAYS THERE crunches loudly on her Sun Chips.

The Roommate with No Personal Boundaries

The Roommate with boundary issues comes in many forms. Sometimes the behavior is something minor, like using your bath-towel to dry-off after a shower or rummaging through your closet when you're not at home. But sometimes the Roommate with No Personal Boundaries has a habit that's so appalling, you find yourself making up excuses for why 'now is not a good time' for your friends or mother to come over.

Like the roommate who watches TV in the nude, for example. Or the roommate who feels so comfortable around you, he leaves the bathroom door open...while he's on the toilet. Or perhaps the worst, the very vocal roommate who forgets how thin the walls are every time her boyfriend stays over. That's not exactly the background noise you want to hear when your grandmother stops by for dinner.

The Roommate with No Personal Hygiene

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Maybe he sprinkles when he tinkles and then doesn't wipe the seat or maybe he's a fan of flicking his boogers on the floor whenever he thinks no one's watching.

But whatever the disgusting behavior, sharing your personal space with the Roommate with No Personal Hygiene is like sharing an apartment with a petri dish. If that petri dish didn't shower, smelled like rotting tacos and left it's toe-nail clippings on the sink counter.

But perhaps the worst side-effect of the having a disgusting slob for a housemate is the smell. Because as anyone who's ever lived with someone with bad B.O. knows, BO has a mysterious way of seeping off it's owner and into every piece of furniture within a mile radius. Suddenly it doesn't matter if you roommate is in a different room or even a different State, the stink of him is everywhere: On the sofa, in the curtains and worse, all over your clothes. You soon become paranoid that you're the one that smells, and get into the habit of repeat sniff checks every time you leave the house.

The Roommate that Would Rather Eat Cheerios with a Knife then Do the Dishes

You know the type. The lazy housemate who'll do anything in his power to avoid doing any housework, even if it means drinking soup out of the can or eating Mac n' Cheese off a napkin (because there are no clean dishes left).

You finally decide to say something when you catch her coming out of the shower with flip flops on. The tub has gotten so dirty that even the mold growing on the sides is clogged with hair. Her hair.

Your tired of always being the first to beg “mercy” and break-down and clean up the mess. Her mess. "Dude," you say in outrage.  “It's your turn to clean the bathroom. Why don't. You. Just. Clean. It. Already?”

“Yeah, okay.” She says, blinking at you in surprise. “No problem. I didn't know it meant that much to you.” And by the way she says it, you know you've just pegged yourself as one of those anal-retentive chore nazis. Crap.

“Well, you know...you don't have to,” you say, backtracking quickly. “I mean, you know, only if you want to. It's no big deal...”

And now of course, you've just put yourself back to square one.

The Roommate Who Hits the Snooze Button 165 Times Every Morning

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“Beeeeep! Beeeep! Beeeep! Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!” Goes your roommate's alarm at six AM.

The alarm is loud enough to wake a dead sloth, but apparently not loud enough to wake your roommate. At least not until it's been beeping insistently for a full, four minutes.

“Muuugh...” you'll hear your roommate groan through the wall that separates your bedrooms. “Stooopid alarm.” And then with a loud 'whack!' the apartment suddenly becomes quiet again.

You sigh in relief, roll over and float back to sleep, only to be awoken exactly five minutes later with that same ear-splitting noise.

“Turn! Off! Your! Alarm!” You'll shout at the wall. Or quit hitting the snooze button and just freakin' get up already! Is what you want to say, but you resist the urge.

And so the cycle repeats itself; at 6:00, 6:05. 6:10...until finally, at seven, your morning-hating roommate finally groans “stoopid alarm” for the last time and heaves himself out of bed.

The Roommate that's a Thermostator

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You wake up flushed and covered in sweat, and wonder for a moment if you're running a fever. But as you get up to splash some cold water on your face, you pass by the thermostat and notice that it's been turned to 89 degrees Fahrenheit. And it's the dead of summer.

Darn! You think. The thermostator has struck again!

A thermostator (like the Terminator) is a roommate that lacks any semblance to a normal, human body temperature. She's the roommate who wears a hoodie when the rest of the planet is in bathing suits.

“I'll get sick!” She'll pout, when you suggest turning the down a few degrees or opening a window.

It's so hot in your apartment, you start to worry that your dog will be cooked alive. He's not looking too good; panting under the table like that. But then you begin to wonder if perhaps that's your roommate's plan. There's no way a human being could be cold with an apartment so hot that the window's are sweating in protest. Maybe she's secretly an alien with a taste for barbecued Earthlings.

Or maybe the Thermostator is the type that likes the apartment cold. So cold that even after you put on socks, a sweater and a NASA space suit, you're still shivering.  You have to thaw out your toes in the bathtub just to ensure you don't lose one while trekking across the arctic tundra that is your living room.

When you politely suggest from your fetal position on the floor that perhaps she turn the heater up a bit or at the very least, use her old copies of Us Weekly to start a fire, she makes a face and uses every parent's favorite line:

“If you're so cold, then why don't you put on a sweater?"

The Roommate that Doesn't Speak the Same Language as You Do

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Having a foreign exchange student for a roommate can be a wonderful experience. You can learn how to swear in another language and if you're lucky, the exchange student will like to cook and will treat you to a few tasty meals from his homeland.

But then there are the times where having a foreign exchange student for a housemate well, sucks. Like when he doesn't speak English and you don't speak Mongolian, for example.  Because that can make for some pretty awkward times. Like the 30 minutes of uncomfortable silence you shared over spaghetti dinner last week, or the embarrassing way you tried (and failed) to pantomime to your roommate that he could help himself to your soda supply and he mistakenly thought you were accusing him of stealing them.

You therefore frequently find yourself avoiding the common area so that you won't have to endure another awkward 'stare, smile and nod' session. You eat, watch TV and spend all of your time cowering in your bedroom or else avoid the apartment all together. 

The Roommate with the Annoying Pet

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Sometimes your roommate is the girlfriend of the Mooch; that unofficially third-roommate who eats all your food, uses up all the hot water and is basically around so often you consider adding his name to the weekly chore-list. But as annoying as the roommate's boyfriend be, at least you can always harbor the hope that she'll wise up and dump him. But there's no way she'll ever part with Fido. She loves that pet skunk like nobody's business.

And it doesn't matter what horrendous offense Fido has committed, your roommate will never see him as anything but innocent and adorable.

“Um, I caught Fido chewing on my Glee dvd collection again,” you tell your roommate, expecting her to scold the skunk or send him to Time-Out or something. But instead she laughs and then looks down in wonder at the black and white fur ball.

“Aww...little Fido-Whido did what? He must have been hungry!”

Or else she'll twist things around so that it's somehow your fault the skunk can't control his bladder.

“Well maybe if you let him out more so that he could use the bathroom on the lawn, he wouldn't have to pee on your Pride and Prejudice book,” is your roommate's answer when you inform her of Fido's latest pee puddle.

What's worse is that even though you think you've made it pretty clear that you want nothing to do with Fido and only tolerate his existence out of a fear that he'll spray you in your sleep, your roommate expects you to actually help out with him.

“Do you mind walking him?” she'll ask you on her way out the door. “I've got class til late tonight.”

“Yes, I mind!” You want to shout. Since when did you become the skunk's baby daddy, anyway? You didn't sign up for this. Pretty soon, she'll be after you to start chipping in for skunk food, obedience school and the skunk's “Just Spray No” course.

But you don't say that. Instead you just nod begrudgingly and say: “Okay, but I don't want to be held responsible if he sprays the mailman again.”