The Seven Tackiest Souvenirs of All Time

You're in Paris.  The sun is shinning.  The birds are singing.  A warm, gentle breeze rustles through the tree tops.  You suddenly feel this rush of affection for this charming, romantic city.  I could live here forever, you find yourself thinking.

And that's when you see it.  It's on display in the window of that quaint little boutique.  The perfect memento.  Impulsively, you rush into the shop and purchase it.

It's only after you've gotten home and peeled away the layers of pink tissue paper, that you begin to doubt your decision.  Suddenly it doesn't look so clever; the design not so original.  Why on Earth did I buy a pink toilet seat cover with a picture of the Eiffel Tower embroidered on it? you wonder in dismay.

But it's too late.  For you've been the unfortunate victim of the Tacky Souvenir...

Here's a list of seven others you should avoid.

7.  The Fashion Souvenir

We've all seen them before. The blond woman from Ohio sipping tea in Tokyo in a kimono. Or the hippie bathing in the River Ganges in a sari. Perhaps they've gone native, or perhaps they just want you to think they have. But while a confident few can pull off the whole “foreign person in indiginous clothing” look, most of us just wind up looking ridiculous.

So unless you're Reese Witherspoon or are planning on using that sombrero for a decorative wall hanging or halloween costume, save your money – and your pride – and stick with jeans and a T-shirt.

6. The "Because It's Not Tacky if Your Name's On It" Souvenir

Your Name on a Grain of Rice by Keven Borland

Maybe it's because vacations have a magical way of making people feel more beautiful or special than they actually are. Or maybe it's because they feel proud of climbing that volcano, jumping off that waterfall or hitting that hole-in-one in golf. But for whatever reason, vacations make people want to imortalize their greatness onto some of the weirdest things.

Like their name written on a grain of rice, for example. Or their image engraved into a piece of crystal. Or a particularly popular one for tourists in New York:  their names written in flowerly lettering onto colorful poster board.

5.  The "Isn't that Clever?" Souvenir

They say that people leave their brains at home when they go on vacation, well they also tend to leave their sense of humor at home, too. If the average person saw the “One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor" T-Shirt in a storefront at home, they'd more than likely wrinkle their noses at it in disgust and continue with their window shopping. But plop that same person on vacation in Puerto Vallarta and you're likely to overhear her turning to her husband and saying: “Honey, isn't that clever? We should get one for your brother...”

This photo was taken in Guatemala.  Meh. Guatever.

4.  The Utterly Useless ("But It's Sooo Cheap!") Souvenir

They're tacky. They're corny. And they're something people regret buying about 1.5 hours after they return home from (Insert popular tourist destination here). But they're just so gosh darn cheap, how can anyone resist?

They're also usually an impulse buy. Something you only purchase after hours of pouring over hundreds of identical pink flamingo shot glasses and green alligator “poop” espresso beans, because you've gotta buy something. It's like when you've sampled one-too-many perfume scents at the mall and you're olfactory glands lose the ability to discern between Georgio Armani and The Gap. Spend a week in Mexico surrounded by bobble-head turtle figurines and the same thing will happen. You'll lose your ability to sniff out the good souvenirs from all the crap ones and then before you know it, you'll find yourself thinking that the mantel of your fireplace just wouldn't be complete without a bobble head in every color.

The only thing tackier than a hula dancing dashboard doll from Hawaii is a hula dancing dashboard doll from Hawaii that was created in the image of America's 44th president.

A Statue of Liberty M&M despenser.  She sells for 20 bucks at the M&M Store in Manhattan though, so perhaps she belongs in the "Utterly Usless but Not-So-Cheap" category.

3.  The "Now That's Just Plain Wrong" Souvenir

Snow Globe by Jan's Cats

Sometimes the odd risque souvenir is funny. Like the ashtray with a picture of Jesus and the words “Jesus Hates it When You Smoke” that you pick-up at a giftshop in Venice, for example. But then there's a slew of unfunny, borderline offensive souvenirs that even your weird uncle Howard wouldn't appreciate. Here are some examples.

Osama bin Laden by Vlastula

A souvenir from Budepest, of all places.

I Survived Hurricane Katrina and All I Got was this Lousy T-Shirt by Alex Castro

Kangaroo Paw Bottle Opener by Swagger Bear

Yep, that's a real kangaroo paw.

2.  The "Funny" Photo

Pyramids of Giza by Σταύρος's

If you think that you're the first person to visit Italy and and announce “Hey, honey. Take a picture of me so it looks like I'm holding up the Leaning Tower of Pisa! It'll be hil-lar-i-ous!” think again. Facebook is full of those. Ditto for the “Lookit Guys! I'm dangling the Eiffle Tower!”shot or any other awkward position you can come up with when posing infront of a national monument.

1.  The "Oh, Crap.  Now I'm Stuck with This for Life" Souvenir

Work in Progress by Shawn Oster

Sometimes a vacation is just so amazing that you want to tell the world. Well, go ahead and shout it from the rooftops then, but just don't make the mistake of permanently inking “I (heart) Tahiti” onto your left bicep.

Because like the impulsive, unplanned souvenir pregnancy, impuslive, unplanned souvenir tattoos have a strict 'no return' policy. So be smart, folkes, and don't let that vacation go to your heads. Or to any other part of your body.

Guinness Tattoo by Molly Magdalene