How to Communicate With a Redneck (Part 3)

Posted Jan 14, 2009 by CaseyWhite / comments 0 comments / Print / Font Size Decrease font size Increase font size

Being a redneck from Arkansas is fun! I can write about rednecks all day long (and I probably will). If you are, indeed, a redneck, the sentences I offer will flow like luke-warm Schlitz beer; if, however, you are an intellectual, this junk won't even make sense. It's like trying to understand pig-Latin if you're not a pig, or Latin.

  • Here are some more words a redneck might accidentally use, and how he might use them. "Disinfect" ("I've got a big ole cold sore on my mouth. I wonder...will disinfect Clara when I kiss her?") "Water" ("Water ya'll gonna bring to the potluck tonight?") "Hormonal" ("I ain't leaving this bar till my wife's asleep...I just can't listen to hormonal night about me findin' a job.")
  • "Beer" ("Wanda swears she'll be faithful to me and I'll beer only boyfriend while her husband is gone huntin'.") "Competent" ("My cousin works down at Home Depot - reckon he'll competent for our next huntin' trip?" "Waddle" ("Waddle we do if he don't?") "Furlough" ("I guess we can chip in and buy one at Wal-Mart; that's where we usually go furlough priced stuff.")
  • "Ancestor" ("I don't see nothin' wrong with a girl being your girlfriend ancestor, do you?") And, don't think for a moment that rednecks aren't internet-savvy folks: "Browser" ("Good Lord, that girl's eye browser thicker than mine!") "Herpes" ("My wife's a pretty good cook...I love herpes.")
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