Rate Your Friendships: Discover How Friendships Affect Your Life

How are your friendships? Are they draining? Or are they fun, inspirational relationships shared with positive individuals? Perhaps it’s time to rate your friendships and discover how your friendships are affecting your life and who your true friends really are. You will need pen and paper for this one.

Everyone has struggled with friendships at some point in their lives, but being friends with someone shouldn't be a burden, a headache-heartache or quarrelsome affair. Learn to rate your friends and how to spend more quality time with those who truly know how to be a friend.

While you are being honest with yourself about your friends, consider rating yourself in the same manner as you are rating each friend. How did you score with each friend? Maybe it's time to try being a better friend yourself.

• Make a list of your top 10 friends, leaving at least 10-15 lines blank in between each one. On a scale of 1-10, rate each friend based on overall quality of friendship. You might be surprised at the end by what you learn.
• First, pick one word off the top of your head to describe your friend. Whatever you think of first (and be honest) write it down. You can love someone and still not like things they do to you. I have one friend I really love, but the first word I thought of was "needy" when I was honest with myself. Another friend is "Bubbly-Fun", whatever your friend is write it down.
• Next, write down the best time you ever shared with this friend (like your trip to Reno or a pillow fight at midnight). Rate the experience on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the most fun you ever had in your life with anyone. It's hard to get a perfect 10 here, so think and rate it honestly.
• Next, write down the lowest or worse experience you have ever had happen in your life. Of the friends you wrote down, who was there to support you? Rate your friend on the level of the support, either emotionally or physically, they gave you during this bad time in your life. Your friends will never see this, so be honest with yourself. Even great friends disappoint us sometimes or don't realize how much we are suffering. 1 is lowest support and a 10 is over-the-top support.
• Next, think about how much time you spend with your friend. Who initiates the meetings? How much do you talk on the phone when you are not together? Rate your friend on the amount of time you spend together or talking/text messaging, etc., with 1 lowest and 10 the highest for lots of time.
  Then rate your friend on how much they initiate the contact on a scale of 1-10, with 1 being you usually initiate contact and 10 being they always contact you.
• During your last visit, did your friend ask you how you were doing or how your day was going? Did you ask your friend the same questions? Or did you hear all about your friends terrible or great day and then she suddenly had to go. If you can't recall, pay attention during the next few times and see if your friend asks about your welfare or day? If they don't, you should be honest and rate them low here because this is a very important ingredient in a friendship. Rate this on scale of 1-10.
• Last one...How do YOU FEEL after spending time with or talking to your friend. Do you get off the phone bored, angry, frustrated, happy and ready to tackle the world or completely drained? Does the conversation you share with your friend inspire you to be a positive, happy person or make you feel negative? Is your conversation negative, gossipy or all about slamming something or someone else? Is it uplifting and entertaining? Did you discover something new or exciting while out with this friend or was it the same old lunch, chat and run?

  Rate how YOU FEEL after you get off the phone or after you spend time with your friend. 1 is low and a 10 is the highest.

Now, take your totals for each friend and add them up. Divide your total by 5. How close is the number to the overall rating you gave each friend at the beginning?

If it's close then you are a pretty good judge of your friends, but if it is off, then you need to reexamine the friendship and figure out what isn't working. It could be you play a role in the not-so-great friendship too, so be honest with yourself.

If you find the friendship truly is draining or leaves you feeling down, negative or frustrated--then it's time to cut back your time with that friend and surround yourself with positive, uplifting friends who share equally in the relationship.

You don't have to cut people out of your life, unless they are very bad for you, but it's healthy to step back and spend more time with those who are good friends all the time and make you feel better.

Take a look at the word you chose to describe your friend. Most likely it will be similar to the word you chose to describe how you feel after spending time with them. If you rated your friend high on how they made you feel, the word you chose to describe them will be positive too.

If you chose a negative word, like the "needy" example, then you likely rated that particular friend lower on how they made you feel. Needy, whiny, complaining, negative people will make you feel the same way if you spend much time around them. Quit doing it--these are bad friendships and it is one thing to help someone through a bad time in their life, but be open-minded and ask yourself—Is it always a bad time in this friend's life?

I cut strings with one friend who ALWAYS had some sort of drama or problem in her life and I have never regretted it. We keep in touch, but just a few times a year now and that's fine.

So...keep it real and be a true friend--that is the best way to find true friends. Cut ties with unhealthy friendships and feel blessed for the really great friends you do have in your life.

Tips:

• Don't ever tell a friend you are "cutting" them off. Gradually and slowly spend less time with them and you will never leave anyone with hurt feelings.
• Check your own Friendship Meter - Are YOU a good friend?