How to Support a Friend Going Through Divorce

Let a friend vent about the divorce. Often times, we all need to vent our frustrations about situations that arise in our lives. Divorce is a tough thing to go through and supporting a friend whose in the middle of a divorce means simply allowing them to talk about it. Support through listening can be hearing a friend verbally vent, letting them cry on your shoulder, or even allowing them to strike out against their ex spouse (as long as it doesn’t affect you personally). Letting a friend vent her frustrations over her divorce can help her to get out emotions that are not good to keep inside. Simply lending a friend your ear and full attention can help get her through the tough times of a divorce.

Suggest ways your friend could deal with her ex-spouse. Going through a divorce can make us not think so clearly and react in ways that create more problems for us. Giving your friend helpful advice on how to deal with her ex during the divorce could help her to be cautious in how she handles him. Encourage your friend to handle her ex-spouse in a respectful manner so as to keep the peace between them both. Tell her that no matter how angry she is with her ex, she should try to remain calm and speak to him in a kind manner. Let her know that this will especially help any children that are involved in the divorce. Try to calm your friend before she deals with her ex-spouse whether it be in person or on the phone. Your friend will be thankful for the advice and rational way of thinking.

Offer to babysit your friend’s children. If your friend is not handling the divorce well and needs some time to herself, offer to take her children to a movie or somewhere away so she can have a little peace. This benefits the children as well who are also dealing with issues of their own during the divorce. Tell your friend that you are there to help her and would like to be her support during this time, including child care. This works best if you are somewhat close to her children, but can also work if you get to know her children well during this time of need. During a divorce, the children especially need to be away from added stress and upset. If your friend is not dealing well during the divorce, it may help to have you take the children some place fun or even stay at your friend’s house and play games or watch movies with the children.

Help your friend find good resources during the divorce. Your friend is probably going to need a good lawyer, a financial consultant (or money advice), possibly a counselor, and even help dealing with the court system. Take this pressure off of your friend by sharing some of the responsibility in finding her good resources to get help during the divorce. If you know a good lawyer or have heard of one, suggest him to your friend. Any advice you can give your friend regarding child custody or child support can guide her in the right direction as well. Whatever you are not sure of, help your friend look up online or through word of mouth. Taking the stress off of your friend by helping her find guidance during the divorce will support her more than you realize and allow her to think more clearly knowing she has that support system in you.

Take your friend out for some fun to help her deal with the divorce. Find a good babysitter for the kids, or go on a night your friends ex-spouse has her children, and enjoy yourselves. You can either choose to take her out for a few drinks and dinner or simply enjoy a movie at the theater together. Do something fun for your friend to help her temporarily take her mind off of the divorce. Enlist the help of other good friends and make a girl’s night of it. Your friend will be grateful to have some many people that love and support her and she’ll feel less alone during this hard time of divorce. Then, she’ll feel less stressed to take on the responsibilities she needs to for the divorce and in her everyday life. Not only will you be giving your friend a kind of support that will guide her sanely through the divorce, but you’ll also be having a great time in the process!

Gently suggest your friend seek counseling if she is not doing good during the divorce. Divorce hits everyone differently depending on who wanted the divorce, how the ex-spouses get along, and how the divorce is affecting any children involved. If your friend is finding herself completely overwhelmed and you’ve done all you can to help her, guide her to counseling services that can get her back on track. Go with your friend during her sessions if she wants you to and support her during this time. Some people have a tough time admitting they can’t handle everything on their own and are not always receptive to taking help, especially therapy. Help your friend feel better by encouraging her to get the help she needs and telling her that she will be making a difference in her life by getting extra help.

Tell your friend how proud you are of her during the divorce. Sometimes, all we need is a pat on the back to help us get through the tough times. Hearing that we are doing a good job can help motivate us to keep going on. Supporting your friend through encouraging words and praise can help her to deal with the divorce better. Be specific. Tell her that you’re proud of how she is handling her ex, parenting her children alone, and/or keeping her home clean. Think of anything you can that makes you proud of your friend and voice it. Even if you are simply proud of how she is taking the divorce, telling her this can mean more to your friend than you know. However, you must be sincere when praising your friend’s efforts or she will feel patronized and not believe she is doing as good a job as you say. So be honest, and be loving about your words.