Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen -- Racist and Sexist

Hey script writers for the latest Transformers flick... raise your hand: you should likely be shot. Let's pretend I'm just kidding, because clearly you had a lot to kid about in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

Going into this movie, I knew from the preview I'd be seeing more of Megan Fox's butt crack than I'd like to see in a lifetime. I understood that some of the humor would be adolescent and childish—but this was simply over the top and insulting. If this movie was supposed to be endearing in a South Park/Family Guy "we offend everyone so it's okay" kind of way, it missed its mark. It was just plain offensive and I'm horrified it's in any way associated with Hasbro or toys marketed to children.

Let's start with the plot, also known as what Michael Bay might have learned from George Lucas and how he offended people with certain Star Wars characters and historical connections. Bay might have learned that people are really tired of learning about how aliens can save or destroy our civilization mostly because they have some innate tie to our ancient cultures, who couldn't have been intelligent (or cruel) enough to build pyramids using the available resources.

However, that's a faux pas of plot, ultimately. What Bay seems to have missed learning from the Lucas School of Mistakes was that it's really just not okay to include potentially racist characters in a major epic motion picture, particularly if you are making a trilogy. Remember Jar Jar from Star Wars? Meeso clumsy and stupid? Meeso called a black stereotype? All around goofy and much-hated character? Bay didn't learn. Instead, he let two even more offensive characters slip into his film.

They're two Autobots (good guy robots). They are stereotypical brothers and they are unmistakably supposed to be African-American representations, Transformers style. They have gold teeth and transform from little compact econo-cars into bumbling idiots who never do anything productive unless it's unintentional (much like Jar Jar) and exist primarily to provide comic relief. As the plot thickens, we learn that these boys are not only googly-eyed and absent-minded, they can't read—because in a movie like this, why would one expect an African-American to be a literate individual?

The two fight like the 'bros' they are supposed to be. One even loses his gold tooth and exclaims "mah toof!" Their presence in the film is not only unnecessary, but unbearably offensive.

There are a few other African-Americans in the film: a mostly-toothless patron in a meat market and a military man who is of course not the leader but second in command to a younger and supposedly more capable white male.

Our first African-American president also gets a mention in the movie by name—then gets blamed for sending in a bureaucrat who has no military experience and continually gives faulty orders by the president's authority. There is a clear implication that President Obama is incapable of handling an international crisis. While most movies of this type do portray the president as having generic faults, this one is clear to call Obama out by name.

You might have noticed that this Transformers film not only contains some poignant stereotypes of black people, but also that the movie is loaded with women. Most of them have fake boobs, push-up bras, and exist solely for the purpose of being sexualized in one way or another on a college campus. If they're not such women, they might be one of a few others—like the protagonist's mom, a typical empty nest middle-aged white woman ridiculed for wanting to have sex with her husband and stupid enough to purchase pot brownies without knowing what they are.

Since the mom is not such a great example, the dad attempts to help his son with women, especially concerning Megan Fox's character. Helpful hints include: "how long are you really going to ride that bike?"

There is also Fox's character, Mikaela Banes, a female capable of fixing bikes and hot-wiring cars. She chooses not to go to college because she isn't a bimbo like all of the women that go there (because obviously college is not for smart people or women who think education might help them in life). She stays home to take care of her dad and mind the bike shop while Sam Witwicky (Shia LeBeouf) goes off to school on the East Coast.

She does other useful things, such as: run around in slow motion for a full five minutes at the end of the movie after taking off a protective layer of clothing in the desert, land her face on another male character's crotch, open her mouth a lot, appear with inconsistent amounts of collagen in her lips, flash her underwear while getting changed in the front yard, and attempt to be compared to Xena. Her secondary objective seems to be tagging along to help her boyfriend save the world; her primary objective involves getting him to say the L word and keep him away from fem-bots with anal probes.

Fox has a few key scenes in the film. In Egypt, she randomly dons a scarf over her mouth for a moment, because clearly the stereotypically fundamentalist Muslims all around would have been horrified at the sight of her uncovered mouth when her boobs could hardly be contained.

However, Fox does not play the most interesting female character in the film. That task falls to an unnamed female student in an astronomy class. Her job is to pick up a discarded, half-eaten, tossed-on-the-floor apple upon the command of the professor, who tells her to eat it. This degrading display is so horrific that I can't even be sarcastic about it.

There is actually a female Autobot in the film—Arcee. She was originally supposed to be in the first movie, but was such a minor character she got scrapped (pun intended). In Revenge of the Fallen, Arcee serves as a very minor assistant to Optimus Prime and the big strong man robots who take out the Decepticons (bad robots). Her demise is not mourned and is unceremonious.

The final female character in the film, and truly the only awesome one, is a no-named woman in the military. In one of the air units, she relays some generic but important information. She looks like she could be badass like Star Trek: The Next Generation's Tasha Yar, wears a uniform like everyone else, and gets about twenty seconds of time on screen.

Aside from the fact that this movie will offend anyone with ethics (or perhaps a soul, if you believe in that kind of thing), the explosions are grand. Military pyrotechnics and blatant disregard for international airspace are combined in spectacular capacity with the amazing capabilities of the Transformers. If only the movie had actually been about them.