The Science of Love

THE SCIENCE OF LOVE

1) Like Seeks Like

Look for someone as much like you as possible, because chances are, he or she is looking for you too. We prefer mates with similar backgrounds, interests, values and beliefs because they validate our own. We even gravi­tate towards people who look like us. Eminent scientist Sir Francis Galton drew attention to this phenomenon a century ago, and since then it has been confirmed by numerous studies on the resemblances between spouses.

2) Declare Your Desire

Ditch the strong and silent act because a major turn-on, according to social psychol­ogist Dr Arthur Aron, is the simple realization that someone fancies you. It makes you feel good about yourself, which, in turn, overflows into feeling good about them. We warm to those who flatter and are nice to us, which is why the stereotypical Byronic hero trading barbs with his love interest (until near the end when they even­tually melt into one another's arms) is a romantic cliché that does not bear close examination.

3) The Eyes Have It

On one point, however, the bodice rippers are right: there can be such a thing as love at first sight. It's been shown that the longer pair of prospective partners locks eyes upon meeting, the more they like what they see. It helps if you have dilated pupils because these are the single most attractive physical attribute, ac­cording to research conducted by the late Eckhard Hess, who was a profes­sor at the University of Chicago's psy­chology department. He found that subjects shown two pictures of a mem­ber of the opposite sex - identical save for pupil size - were twice as likely to pick the larger-pupils photo as the more attractive, even when they could not spot the difference. Enlarged pupils signal intense arousal.

4) Body Language

Run out of sweet nothings to say? Fall back on body language, a form of non-verbal communication understood by both sexes. The most obvious - and effective -overture is simply staring at the prospective partner and smiling; then there are "preening" gestures, such as playing with your hair.

According to Allan Pease, author of The Definitive Guide to Body Language, what really turns men on is female "submission" gestures, which include exposing vulnerable areas such as the wrists or neck, as well as the leg twine (the maneuver at which Princess Diana, that premier flirt, excelled: it involves crossing the legs and hook­ing the upper leg's foot behind the lower leg's ankle).

Men typically make themselves look more dominant by taking up space and engaging in "crotch display" - thumbs hooked in pockets, fingers "pointing" at the genitals (worked for Michael Jackson ... for a while, anyway).

5) Be Beautiful

Ignore everything your mum told you about inner beauty-good-looking people are al­most universally viewed as smarter, sexier and more successful than their homelier counterparts.

According to evolutionary social theorists, we value those attributes that improve the chances of success­ful reproduction, which is why men prefer younger women with long, shiny hair and hip measurements a third larger than their waists (all mark­ers of youth, health and fertility), while women prefer taller, older men be­cause they're most likely to have the most resources to invest in offspring.

6) Home Is Where It’s At

Forget about long distance romances: proximity rules. Being situated close to your potential love objects -whether at the next desk or in the next street - ensures re­peated exposure, beneficial because the more we see someone, the more we like them (unless we strongly disliked them at first exposure, in which case the opposite is true). That's why we so often end up with work­mates or the boy/girl next door.

7) Avoid Comparisons

All that said, it seems that we gauge prospective partners against the prevailing norms, if the findings of Sara Gutierres and Douglas Kenrick of Arizona State University's psychology department are to be believed. The re­searchers asked men to rate their dates' looks after viewing Playboy centerfolds or watching a TV show with pretty fe­male stars. You guessed it: the dates rated worse after the show or centerfolds than before.

This demonstrates a phenomenon called the contrast effect, whereby our perception of relative differences is distorted according to the order in which things are viewed. For example, if you look at a dark object after a light one, it will appear much darker than if you'd looked at it first or by itself.

8) Loves at First Fright

In the 1994 film Speed, San­dra Bullock tells Keanu Reeves, "I've heard relationships based upon intense experiences never work out," to which he replies, "We'll have to base ours on sex, then."

The truth lies somewhere in be­tween. The more aroused we are in the presence of a potential partner, the more attractive we're likely to find them, as psychologists Cindy Meston and Penny Frohlich, of the University of Texas, found when they asked sub­jects to rate members of the opposite sex before and after riding on roller coasters. This effect - known as exci­tation transfer - is a misattribution of arousal; regardless of the cause of our thumping heart, if we ascribe it to the person we're with, we feel attracted to her or him.

9) Naming Game

Dr. Albert Mehrabian of the University of California's psychology department has discov­ered that many names - such as Darcy, Roxanne or Bertha - are linked with negative attributes. And if you share a first name with a well-known person, you're considered to share their traits - bad news for people called Adolf, Homer or Saddam.

10) Beer Goggles

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker, as poet Ogden Nash once said. Studies have shown that single people seek­ing partners in pubs are less choosy closer to closing time, a finding dubbed "the beer-goggles effect:'

It was identified by Professor Jamie Pennebaker of the University of Texas, who decided to test the premise of a song whose lyrics claimed "girls get prettier at closing time." He asked bar patrons to rate potential partners three times over an evening (at 9 pm, 10.30 pm and midnight) and yes, both sexes looked best at midnight. This doesn't mean you're too drunk to notice some­one has two heads; just that as the time available to find a mate runs out, who­ever's still around starts to look good.

11) Keep Them Happy

The better we feel, the more we like whomever we're with, so if your date isn't in a good mood, cheer them up fast or you haven't a hope. This doesn't mean you must be directly responsible for en­gendering the desired positive emotion;

I simply being in the vicinity while they're experiencing it will imbue you with an associated glow. This is why you should be very selective of the venue where you meet or take your date. And avoid taking them to stress­ful places. The resulting anxiety will be forever associated with you.

12) Choose Your Words

The gender differences mentioned above are reflected in the wording of personal ads. Research shows that ads placed by women emphasis their appearance, those by men their resources; and that the older a woman admits to being the fewer replies she'll receive, while the oppo­site applies to men.

However, it should be some con­solation for all those Plain Janes and penniless men out there to know that there is one word that's always worth including in any personal ad: "warm." People who are described as warm are believed to be happy, sociable, wise and popular.

Put It All Together

So here's the bottom line: If you re­ally want to score a perfect partner, take your date bungee-jumping or sky diving to ensure they are well aroused, catch a movie featuring lots of ugly actors, then finish the evening in a dimly lit bar. Even if the beer-goggles effect doesn't kick in, the darkness should dilate your pupils and enhance your chances.