How to Read Sarah Palin's New Book:

Sarah Palin wrote a book. In about 3 weeks. It's not even in stores. It's already a best seller. It's called "Going Rogue", by Sarah Palin.

You betcha.

That said, this article is ALSO going rogue, but in a Cliff's Notes sort of way: it's going to teach you how to read this best selling book by...well, none other than that brainiac, Sarah Palin.

(Really--if the book is a best seller, it's going to be talked about, and you don't want to be left behind in THAT conversation; so, you need tips, otherwise known as talking points, to get you through a good dinner party).

First, talk about the SPELLING. Ok, granted, you have to make sure you get the SPELL CHECKED version of the book.

Look, I'm sure Sarah Palin is wicked smart--hey, Her Excellency was asked to run, and did run, for the Office of Vice President of the United States--- whereas I wasn't even asked to run at all (even though, according to Mrs. Peskin, who taught me in the Second Grade, some thirty years ago, I'm wicked smart, too).

And let's face it. Even some smart people haven't been asked to run for the Vice Presidency, like Microsoft's Bill Gates, or Apple's Steve Jobs, or anyone from the Board of Coca Cola---so you know what that means?

Sarah Palin is smarter than the whole lot of them.

You betcha.

But ---and this is a fundamental point--- even smart people who write best-selling, big books in 2-3 weeks are going to muff the spelling of a word or two.

And THAT can be an annoying book to read.

So, first, talk about the good spelling in the book (but only AFTER buying the spell-checked version of the book).

This applies UNLESS you're one of those cynical people who thinks Sarah Palin is actually---not so wicked smart. These people think Sarah Palin is--get this--pretty doggone stupid, perhaps even stupid defined.

They---those cynics said the same thing about President George W. Bush!-- argue that Sarah and couldn't write a sentence, let alone a best selling book, and certainly NOT in three weeks, even if her life, or precious wardrobe, depended on it.

(She's NOT stupid, for the record, after seven years and four colleges, she really did--eventually--get a college degree. And she looks pretty doggone good in her wardrobe).

And if seven years of college doesn't prepare you to write a best selling book in 3-4 weeks, well then, what does?

Anyway, in that case, you cynics can just buy the not-spell-checked version of the book because, after all, just admit it, you can't wait to hear Sarah's story about the moose in her back yard who met up with another moose which lead to them having a baby moose, or the three cutest "meese" she ever saw, regardless if she eventually had to kill them for Moose Stew.

1. Ok, at this point, regarding the book, I know what you're thinking. The monkey thing. You know, where if you leave a monkey in a room with a typewriter and paper, eventually he--or she--will type the entire works of Shakespeare.

   But just remember, Sarah Palin is no monkey. As she says, she is instead "one smart cookie." And as historians are quick to point out, smart cookies CAN --sometimes---write good and fast. Sometimes even faster than a monkey typing Shakespeare.

   You betcha.

   Second, in reading the book, skip the JOKES you hear about Sarah Palin. They were all invented by Democrats and the publishers of the houses that didn't get to publish her book.

   Just remember you're reading the work of an intellectual, not to mention a well respected American politician. So just ignore the Sarah Palin Joke of the Day---and just read the historical content of her candor and commentary.

   By the way, Jimmy Fallon DID have a good one: "The book costs $24.99," he said. "But it has a $5,000 jacket."

   Ok, see? You just read that joke even though I just told you---a direct admonishment!-- to ignore the Sarah Palin Joke of the Day. Geez.

   (But if you liked that, you'll really appreciate Bill Maher's take on it: “This week Sarah Palin’s memoir became a bestseller. It’s not even out yet. But it’s already been translated into English.”)

2. Step 3

   Third, be a bloody PATRIOT. Read "Going Rogue" with all the care, patriotism and optimism it deserves. Just remember, it's a privilege we have (I think it's in the Constitution--I think in Latin--but there!), to read whatever we want, whenever we want, by whomever wants to write it. (Just ask Hustler's Larry Flynt).

   (That was for the intellectual left, who told me I couldn't get Sarah Palin and Larry Flynt together--to which I gave them that " the pen is mightier than the sword business").

   Sure, Sarah Palin’s "Going Rogue" doesn’t come out until November 2009, or it may already be out as you are reading this, but, as indicated, it is worth noting that it's already on best selling lists, even on Amazon, so--since the marketplace is NEVER wrong--- it must be a GREAT book.

   And if you go to the book industry's main websites, you'll find this phrase in more than one place:

   "People who bought this book also bought: well, no other books in their entire lives, at least none we can find.’

   That said, "Going Rogue" by Sarah Palin has all the stuffing you need for great Thanksgiving dinner party conversation---in Wasilla, Alaska.

   I am sure it will be the talk of the town.

   You betcha.