How to Heal Emotional Wounds In Children

Hear confessions. Some children have overactive consciences and need to pour out lots of little confessions. Don't brush away these anxieties: give them your ear, but gently explain why they are not such terrible crimes as them seem. Discuss with your child the issues they raise so as to help them learn what is and isn't worth feeling guilty about. 

Spill the beans. Tell your kids funny stories about your own mistakes, errors and embarrassment to help them to be less afraid of their own - and more likely to reveal them to you. 

Anticipate situations and, in simple terms, forwarn your children about things that might prove a let-down. Backup plans can help avoid massive disappointment, tears and tantrums. "If we can't get a ticket, we'll have a picnic in the garden when we go home." "If Granny isn't in, we'll go to the swings." Kids love having something - however small - to look forward to. 

Plan partings. If your child has established a deep-rooted bond with a carer, be careful how you break it. If possible, phase out the care gradually over weeks or months. If it has to stop abruptly, try to maintain some contact with the carer for a while to give your child time to adjust to the separation. 

If you've been ratty, tell your children that you love them before they go to bed or whisper your love to them as they sleep. 

Whisper affirmations to your sleeping children. Tell them what their confidence and self-esteem need to hear. "You're strong." "We all love you." "Things will get better." You are beautiful." "You can do it." These words may or may not infiltrate the sleeping mind, but they won't do any harm. Some children seem to sleep less fitfully after this "sleep counselling".