How To Treat Your Older Children

Give your advice, not your opinion. 

Answer their questions about sex straightforwardly and candidly, without offering more information than you think they need to know at their age and stage. 

Don't jump into conclusions. If you disapprove of something your child does, try not to aggrandize it with your outrage. One drink does not make an alcoholic Better to have a mature discussion about health than a slanging match about your fears for the future. 

Allow freedom of expression in fashion, music, interests and pastimes. So long as your bottom lines are met - your children must be safe, kind and conscientious! - cut them a bit of slack around the things that matter to them but don't have to matter to you. 

Respect privacy. Let older children open their own post, have private telephone conversations and close the door when they have friends over to play. A respect for your child's privacy is unlikely to compromise their safety. 

Offer wall space. If you have a newly decorated house, put up pin-boards in your children's bedrooms so they can customize a bit of wall without getting into trouble! Use brightly coloured map pins that are easy to spot if they fall out. 

Have secret signals. If public displays of affection embarrass your child, develop your own code- it could be a low five for a kiss and a high five for a hug, or a pat on the shoulder for a kiss and a gentle punch on the arm for a hug. Big kids need affection, but are much more likely to accept it on their own terms. 

Baby your older children when they need it and there's no one else around to make them feel self-conscious. Tuck them into bed, cuddle them, stroke their hair and whisper your love to them. Soothe away cares just as you did when they were little. 

Teach baby care, for two main reasons, so as to bring up useful and responsible young adults who could safely babysit, and - even more importantly - to demonstrate the never-ending work involved in caring for an infant. 

Don't pry into your children's lives. Kids love to keep a secret diary or a box of treasured possessions that they can look, so let them do so - unless of course you need to know for serious reasons of health or safety, such as if you suspect that they could be taking drugs.