The Risk of Responsibility

In his best-seller, The Third Wave, Alvin Toffler writes that much teenage rebellion today occurs because teenagers no longer feel needed by the family unit nor economically productive during the prolonged adolescent years. Children need to be given jobs to do in the home, partly because of their need to be needed.

This can be difficult for perfectionistic parents. But, for example, if you want to train your children to clean the kitchen, you've got to lower your expectations of what a clean kitchen looks like-at least initially. If you want to teach your child to help with the laundry, you've got to expect clumsy folding jobs. And if you dare to help your child learn how to cook, be ready to put up with spills, splatters and splashes.

None of our children is a "neat freak." Ashley, our oldest, is a pack rat. She wants a souvenir from every exciting moment of her life. Benjamin is the champion of expediency. He wants to put off his cleaning chores because "If I vacuum now, it'll be dirty again by tonight." (Unfortunately, he's right.) Deborah is our resident artist. She starts picking up the playroom, but before long she's decorating the room-or herself.

Yet we want our children to come to maturity. If we expect them to learn dependability, we have to depend on them. If we want our children to learn responsibility, we have to risk this gap between our expectations and their performances.

Prayer:

For the courage to risk allowing your children to be children, as well as for their continued growth toward maturity and increasing dependability.