Tips on having a female best man

Marriage ceremonies today are very unique, people marry in skydiving ceremonies, brides don't always wear white and couples with 30 year ages gaps tie the knot. In light of these differences choosing a "female" best man is hardly a radical choice. However, just because it isn't unheard of doesn't mean there aren't differences that need to be taken into account when planning a wedding.

You should consider the following if you are having a female best man:

The Bride

If you are the groom and you’d like to have a female friend stand up for you, the first thing you need to consider is your bride’s feelings on the issue. Firstly the bride needs to know that the female best man isn’t going to make a “my best friends wedding” play for her groom. A little reassurance goes a long way. If the bride can trust the female in question then she will probably be quite happy with the situation especially when it comes to having a female ally for events like the stag party.

Sit down and discuss it with the bride so that you can work through any concerns.  Even if she likes the woman in question and you are all mutual friends she may be worried about the effect on photos, what her elderly relatives might say etc. etc. If you can work through any issues together it shouldn’t be too much of a problem. For example, if she wants even looking photos and paired dancing she might be able to have a male made of honor to even things up.

Attire

A female best man might not look so great in the same attire as the men so this begs the question of what should she wear? Keeping in mind that she should fit in with the wedding parties attire some people dress a female best man like the bridesmaids. However, this can lead to problems differentiating who is who. Therefore it is a good idea to have her wear something a little simpler and sleeker then the bridesmaids. A simple black dress or feminine black suit are good options. For a touch of color she could wear a scarf, sash or corsage like the other male members of the wedding party.

How do you refer to a female best man?

There are many different names to describe a female best man with some of the most common being; best person, honor attendant, best maid, best woman or best friend standing for the groom. Be careful using best woman because this term can be seen as an insult to the bride.

The stag party

If you choose a female best man then you need to be sensitive when it comes to the stag party. Expecting a female friend to throw you a sleazy stag night isn’t really on. Plus one woman amongst a lot of drunken men isn’t necessarily a great idea, unless this is a regular practice and she is already considered one of the boys. Perhaps your father, brother, or another groomsman could organize this component. Alternatively have a tasteful event where your female friend can comfortably participate. Some examples are; attend a sporting match, play a round of golf, have a BBQ or pizza, beer and action movie night. Alternatively you could instead have one big unisex shower for both the bride and groom.

Confusion

If possible break the ice with announcing a female best man at earlier wedding events like the engagement party, rehearsal dinner and the likes so that nothing steals the thunder from the bride and groom on their big day.

It is also a good idea to make it clear in your ceremony program or ceremony introduction so that guests don’t get baffled on the day. You don’t want them asking each other questions whilst you take your vows.

You also need to make sure your wedding suppliers are knowledgeable about this fact. The photographer and videographer need to know what photos to take with whom. The celebrant needs to make sure their ceremony information is correctly worded.  

When it comes to choosing a best man sex should not be the ultimate decider. You want to pick the person who is most important to you and that you can depend upon. Let’s face it female friends are often organized, reliable and sensitive, this makes them great attendants!