Teaching Children not to be Demanding

We live in a society today where people want something and they want it now. People by nature are demanding and we see it all around us in society. By teaching our children proper manners and that they have to earn things, we are teaching them how to be successful later in life.

Children are all different and what works for one child may not work for another. As a veteran mom to 5 biological children and 4 step children, I have come up with several different ways to deal with a demanding child.

For our daughter, the youngest of the 8 living children, we have what we call "princess manners." We tell her that a princess would never ever speak to anyone in that tone of voice. A princess would always ask politely for whatever she felt she needed whether it be her lunch or a snack or even a drink of water.

Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't. When it doesn't work, I have to tell our daughter that I would be happy to get her whatever she needs but first she has to ask me nicely. I will then wait. Usually it only takes a few minutes for our daughter to change her tone of voice and use her princess manners. Once in a while it can take a half hour or more before she decides she can be nice. However long it takes, I wait. Not allowing our daughter to be the person in charge has gone far in teaching her good princess manners and to not be demanding.

The theory in this is that if she wants to be treated nicely she will treat others nicely. She loves to pretend she is a princess so why not take advantage of that and teach her to use princess manners?

On the flip side if you have a boy, you can teach him to use prince manners and go from there. It is fun for children to role play and they love the experience that role play teaches them and have fun while doing it.

Another strategy we often use is when our children are watching television and see a commercial of something they want, I will tell them, please only tell me what you don't want. If I hear that then I have a better idea of what to get you in the future. I don't want our children to focus on "I want this" or "I want that". Teaching children to not focus on wanting everything will help them to learn manners and to not be so demanding.

If we are on a shopping trip and my child misbehaves by demanding something I will try to teach them by explaining that we only came to get bread or milk today and that we can get them something on the next trip. Make sure to follow through and get them something on the next trip though or your words have no meaning and the lesson is lost.

Another strategy is to teach children the value of money. Chores are worth so much and if your child wants something you can teach them to earn it rather than just give in to the demand of, "I need that doll on that commercial right now". Giving children an allowance or a specified amount of money per chore will help them to learn that we have to earn what we want and we can't just go out and demand it.

Giving in to a child's demands puts the child in control immediately. Teaching the child to use proper manners and wait for something teaches the child respect, good manners and sets them up for success in later life.