How To Teach Assertiveness and Resilience to Children

Assertive and resilient children often remain positive and confident even if they feel hurt or troubled. It is important for children to be aware that they have unique qualities and are worthy persons. They do not have to follow others and need to protect themselves especially when someone is trying to hurt them or influence them to do something they feel is wrong. Children who are assertive and resilient are more likely to stand up for their rights and less likely to be bullied.

Points to consider when encouraging a sense of assertiveness in young children:

1. Do not label children as being shy or lack of confidence. Instead, compliment them and let them know that you like it when they are not particularly quiet, being more sociable and involved with people around them.

2. Give children opportunities to experience a variety of social situations. Gradually enlarge their social interactions to include less familiar friends and help them adjust to uncomfortable situations - to ignore provocative behaviours by walking away and not to acknowledge such behaviours.

3. Believe in the children: Extend trust to the children to ensure that you believe they have the ability to be successful in whatever they do. Children will sense the autonomy in making decisions and be encouraged to adopt a constructive and optimistic outlook of the future.

4. Acknowledge efforts to stand up for themselves: the more successful experiences children have, the further ahead they are going to be in terms of their sense of "I can do it; I can accomplish; I can achieve."

5. Share your personal experiences with them. Let them know that you understand how they feel and that everyone has had some moments in their lives when they are confronted with challenging situations. Describe and demonstrate assertive behaviours; let them role-play with puppets and dolls.

6. Teach them to seek help when they are abused by other children or adults.

7. Role model behaviours such as asking for things in a friendly and polite manner and not be bossy; teach them to respond appropriately to polite requests.

Activities for Parents

1. Counsellor Position

- Help children identify behaviours that lead to a person's sadness or unpleasant feeling.

- Help children understand how they should recognise their own abilities and not let what others do make them feel bad about themselves.

Read the following letter to the children. Discuss and help to identify the problem faced by the writer. Allow children to express their opinions and share their experiences. Together, find some solutions for the writer.

"Dear Counsellor, I have been feeling very sad when I am with my friends in school. They all seem to be much cleverer than me. Whenever I go to school, I feel nobody cares for me. I pretended to be as smart as them but I am still unhappy. What should I do? Sad Sam"

Share with the children your personal experiences and discuss the following topics:

a) Everyone is special in their own ways, everyone has his or her own special talents or virtues.

b) Importance of being courageous and the need to believe in oneself, be strong when faced with challenges and difficulties.

c) Be patient; set clear and realistic goals and never give up.

2. Acting Right

- Bring to children's awareness that it is alright to refuse to do something they feel uncomfortable about.

Describe and role-play some scenarios of negative behaviour such as smoking, stealing, teasing, lying etc. Ensure children understand further by doing the positive behaviour scenarios.

 
3. Ask Your Friends to Encourage Your Children

- Encourage positive self-esteem in young children whenever your friends encourage them and follow-up later your own encouragement in the same area.