Tips For Dealing With Deployment

Deployment is difficult at best, and impossible to handle at worst.

Many families and marriages have been ripped apart by Deployments. The sad part is, although the military has gotten a lot better about helping Service Members and their families- there is still so much that they don't help spouses and other family members to understand or deal with.

Family Readiness Groups are often nothing more than "gossip groups" or "cliques." Sometimes they are actually useful to families left behind when their loved one deploys, but most of the time- the ones who are able to share what they know or who've already been through the deployment process, don't reach out to the "newbies."

If you're a military spouse and you're lucky enough to live near a military base you will have better access to support groups, family services, and other information and help during the deployment process. Unfortunately, dependants of Guard or Reserve members often don't realize that they can get help or ask questions at their local military base.

The deployment process is extremely stressful, exhausting, and can be downright heartbreaking for a couple. If they have children, it's even worse. There's nothing more difficult than trying to explain to a 3-year-old why Daddy or Mommy isn't home to kiss them goodnight, or try to explain that it will be some time before the deployed parent will be able to return home.

More military couples divorce during and after a deployment than any other time. This isn't very surprising, considering that it's extremely difficult to communicate whenever phone calls, email or instant messages are sporadic at best, and there are thousands of miles separating you.

In the days, weeks, and months leading up to a deployment a couple will go through many emotions. Fear is a common emotion- you don't know if/when your loved one will return home, your loved one fears that something bad will happen while he/she is gone. Stress before a deployment causes emotions to run high- if a couple already has any issues in the relationship, these issues will be brought to the forefront right before and during a deployment.

My husband has been deployed for over a year now, and we have almost another year left to go of this deployment. In the months leading up to the deployment we had many arguments, disagreements about how to handle things, and we both felt fear of the unknown. No one bothered to tell us how hard deployment would be, and no one warned us that the time right before a deployment can actually be what makes or breaks a relationship.

The military doesn't do a good enough job of providing support and information to Service Members and their families. And for Guard and Reserve families, this can cause a marriage or family to fall apart during the deployment process. If the military isn't already a way of life, then a deployment completely changes your life and your normal routine(s).

If your spouse is being deployed or is already deployed, a good support system is a must. This means that you need to make the effort to find a support group.

With the fact that the military isn't as good about providing support and information to Service Members and their families about coping with the deployment, financial issues, etc- it's a good idea to search out the support and information you need as soon as you find out your spouse is getting deployed.

Before- and after- deployment counseling for couples is a great idea, and is good for the spouse and children left behind at home as well. This can help you to work out your thoughts, feelings, fears, etc- without having to worry about bombarding your spouse with a lot of "heavy" conversation.

It is okay to talk to your deployed Service Member about what's going on at home, how you're doing emotionally, etc. Just make sure that this isn't the primary topic of conversation, and try to maintain a positive attitude if at all possible. Just remember that your spouse is feeling the stress and strain of the deployment too, not to mention the stress and exhaustion of his/her duties.

Communication is key during a deployment. And even though the distance between a couple or family is huge, it is possible to be able to communicate effectively and be able to keep your marriage and family strong. Have patience with each other, and remember that the deployment isn't forever!

And if you feel you aren't able to get the information or support you need from your Family Readiness Group, Military Family Services, etc- discuss your concerns with any and every "higher-up" that will listen. It's important that Service Members and their families push for more support, along with better information and resources for the spouses and family members left behind!