Lying About Your Diet

Whenever someone says that he has been on a reduced sugar/starch diet for a year and he has not only not lost weight, he has actually gained weight, I for one figure that person is probably lying.

Unless you are on a fried chicken diet–with extra grease–it is going be be difficult for you to stay fat after you cut out all the sodas and drink water only as well as give up all cakes, crackers, bread, cookies and pies. Even people on protein diets have been shown to lose weight. Unless we are prepared to accept the proposition that you alone on the surface of the earth, violate the laws physics by gaining massive weight through the exposure to sunlight, we are forced to the conclusion that you are being less than truthful about your diet.

There may be some exceptions to the rule. You maybe on one of those sleeping pills that cause you to cook up and eat a 7 course meal in your sleep. Or perhaps alien zombies from the plant Uranus kidnapped you and after the prerequisite amateur proctology lessons, they injected you with space aged synthetic fat molecules until your eyeballs were swimming.

The truth is it is likely that you are being less than accurate with others in the area of your diet. You might want to see a shrink about that. The moment you find out why you are a stranger to the truth about what you are actually eating and drinking every day, the pounds will melt off. Or…maybe not…

If on the other hand you have found a way to put on the pounds merely by inhaling oxygen, then all I can say is Eureka!. At long last the Holy Grail of modern science has been discovered. We are a living perpetual motion machine. We shall discard our gerbils and take you and others of your kind and put you all in giant hamster balls. You shall power our cars and fuel our society. Since you have the ability to transmute nearly weightless gasses into heavy matter we shall dub thee Super Gerbil and thou shalt be declared to be cooler than desk top nuclear fusion.

Eat as Much as You like and Still Lose Weight

Surfing Goat:  Squeezing the Cheese out of them

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