Time for fun in the English classes (Part 4)

N: 1 Money from heaven

An old miser called his doctor, solicitor and priest to his death-bed. “They say you cannot take it with you,” the dying man said. “ But  I am going to try. I have got three envelopes with 15 000 pounds cash in each one. I want each of you to take an envelope, and just when they lower my coffin, you throw them in.”

At the funeral each man tossed in his envelope. On the way home, the priest confessed, “I needed money for the church, so I took out 5 000 pounds and threw only 10 000 pounds into the grave.”

The doctor said, “I, too, must confess. I am rebuilding my surgery. I took 10 000 pounds and threw in only 5 000 pounds.”

The solicitor said, “I am ashamed of you. I threw in a checkue for the full amount.”

N: 2 A joke

There was an old lady on a train going from Wexford to Dublin who was sitting opposite a Scotsman wearing a kilt. He fell asleep, and when he woke up she said “That`s a nice doggie you`ve got there, is it a Pekinese?”

“That`s not a Pekinese,” says he,”That`s ma sporran.”

“Oh,dear, so,that`s it,”said the old lady,” I tried to feed it twice with a biscuit, but it took no notice.”

N: 3 Sound AD-VICE!!!

A fella went into an ironmongers shop and asked for a big file. He said his budgie had a lump on its head and he was going to file it off. The ironmonger said ”You will kill it if you do that. “ He said, “Oh no I won`t.” The next day this fella went into the shop again and the ironmonger said, “How`s the budgie? “ He said, “It`s dead.”The ironmonger said, “I told you the file would kill it. “ He said, “Oh no… it was not the file that killed it. It was the vice.”