Dealing with Angry People

This article is about conflict resolution and what to do when someone is angry near you or with you. Working in a high-stress job has given me the necessary tools to cope with anger and manage it well.

Stay calm

This is the case if someone is in wrath with you.  If someone is angry nearby then don’t get drawn into the conflict – if it is in a group of three – try and observe and listen.  If the irritation is directed at you ( without any apparent threat to you physically ) keep you body language relaxed and try to listen.  Feed the situation with calm phrases like, “Yes,” or “Yes, I’m sorry that you feel this way.”

Don’t accuse the heated person of anything

Don’t get angry in return and use mild language like the phrases I just outlined.   Use the angry person’s name and pepper the replies with, “Mark, I understand you are upset.” Don’t attempt to qualify it by saying, “Mark, I understand you are upset but you left me with the kids ( or  any situation that led to the conflict arising in the first instance. )”

Leave as soon as you can

If you can, exit the situation at the earliest time. Whilst in the irate encounter try and listen as much as possible. Some recommend raising the voice when speaking back to the person – the tone is meant to neutralize the fuming person.  This is a technique that sounds good on the phone but you do risk losing some control and becoming enraged yourself.

Reply with support

Use  affirmative phrases  like, “Yes,” and “I hear what  you are saying.” Give the person time to get the problem off their chests in a timely manner.  Let them calm down for a while.

Expect the five minute anger snap

This occurs about five minutes after the person has gotten mad.  They cling to the resentment and will start again after five minutes or so.  Expect this and follow the rules above.  The second snap is them having the final say.  Don’t feed it.

I feel angry with what you did

Studying angry folk enlightened me to my own anger.  I am now skilled at articulating my feelings rather than letting my feelings overtake me.  If I feel angry I will say to the other person, “I’m upset now and now I am angry,” because of x,y,z.  Articulation is a powerful tool at stopping  your own irritation and easing any tension before you lose face.

Separate the people from the problem

Anger arises because of a problem not the person.  Try and find out the cause of the tantrum. Reply saying, “Jane, I know  you are angry because I left the keys in the car.” Don’t overdo the problem just articulate it. Then you can separate the cause from it’s effect bringing it all out into the open.

Rage management is a real skill.  Trying to deal with anger is not good but if you have the knowledge about the dynamics of anger you will be empowered to reduce your own feelings of fury and help other people deal with theirs.

Good luck