How to Safely Leave an Abusive Relationship

People on the outside wonder, "Why doesn't she just leave?" There are several factors that play into this. Abuse is not just physical. It always involves Emotional Abuse too. Most reasons people stay or return to an abuser revolve around fear and insecurity. These emotions come in many forms. This is why leaving an abuser may be the hardest thing you do in life. But it is the first step to a better life!

Never tell the abuser you are leaving them. This includes telling people with whom the word may get back to them, such as a mutual friend. News of you leaving is a trigger that can set them into an angry rage. They will want to keep their control of you. When an abuser is in a rage, their anger is guiding them. These are very dangerous and sometimes deadly situations.

Document your abuse. Keep a diary and take pictures of injuries and bruises. Keep these hidden from the abuser. Learn self defense. Many communities offer self defense classes. You never know when you might need them.

Make arrangements to go to a safe place. It is best to go to a place the abuser has no way of knowing about, such as a women's safe house. Even if it is just temporary.They can track you down if you stay with friends or family. You can even make arrangements for a new apartment if you are able to without being discovered. You may have to change locations completely and move to a different city or state. The children may have to change schools. Keep all your new information unlisted from the public. You do not want the abuser to be able to track you down.

If possible, hide money somewhere for future use. This will help you in finding a place of your own, and give you something to live off of while you settle in to the new environment and start taking your life back.Plan quick escape routes and have a few sets of spare close packed in your house in case you need to leave in a hurry. Hide them in a spot that is easy to access, yet not a place that the abuser may find them. Practice your escape routes. Leave the clothes behind if it puts you in danger. Keep your driver's license and cash on you at all times in case you need to make a quick escape.

If there are children, consider them in your decision to leave. Children that grow up in an abusive environment usually become an abuser or the victim as an adult. They may need counseling along with you. Most likely your abuser was a victim of abuse, but it is up to them to get help.

Once you leave, the abuser may use tactics to try to get you back that make you feel very sorry for them and guilty about leaving. Remember ONLY that person can fix themselves. You can't fix them!

Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women: 1-888-7HELPLINE or 1-888-743-5754