Spying on your kids

I have heard it said that parents should give their kids privacy and respect their space. I have to say I do not agree. I have 3 children and it is my job to keep them safe. They are not bad kids but I know it is a child's nature to lie if they feel they will get in trouble.

When my daughter turned 14 she became withdrawn and wouldn't talk to me, no matter how hard I tried she would not open up . So yes, I started to spy, I read text messages,if she was talking on the phone I would conveniently find something to do that was near by, she had a MySpace page and I checked it regularly. I checked her bag when she was sleeping and read notes that she passed in school. She never knew what I did because I was discreet and I only searched when she was at school or early in the morning while she was asleep. I found out she was cutting class to avoid a boy that was pressuring her for sex. She was scared to come to me for fear that I would be disappointed in her.

I started to spy on her when she did things that were out of the norm. You must know your child well so you can tell when they are showing signs that something is wrong, most times it is a silent cry for help.You cant excuse it as a phase they are going through. Kids have enough friends they need a parent that is going to do whatever it takes to protect them.

I can honestly say our relationship only got better after that, because I approached her in a non threatening way. I didn't yell or accuse her of doing something wrong.I sat her down and we talked, I asked her questions. I didn't give her the third degree just general questions which lead up to her situation. She eventually told me everything but if I didn't know what was going.we may have had that talk too late.

Before you spy on your child know the signs that something is different. You are going to look for anything that would be abnormal for your child. Sometimes it's what they don't say that speaks volumes. Look for odd behavior or constant attitudes, getting angry for no reason etc. Then you are looking for information, anything to explain what is going on.Don't assume your child will hate you for being a parent, it is how you react after spying that they hate.