Pet Care for Parents

Getting a pet for the kids is something akin to choosing a husband: you generally know the issues before you sign the deal, but you think you can either change or control the situation.  Some time later, you realize, nope, you control almost nothing.

Getting a pet means that as a parent you take on the dual roles of pet owner and puppet master, because the goal is not only to add a living member to your family, but to help your children bond with another living creature, and be responsible for it.

Getting a pet means this life is in the hands of your children, and since we have had three finches mysteriously die (I suspect paper poisoning) and a gerbil disappear into a hole in the wall for two weeks, then miraculously reappear in its cage drinking water furiously, our family has learned from personal experience that kids can not be trusted.

What to do?

I find that threats and constant boring lectures is what partially works for us.  But these are not the only methods.

1- The Dirty Trick School: Gathering Fido poop into a bag and placing it carefully on a child's bed (still in the bag of course) is very effective.  It will not completely alter the disengagement or laziness of your child, but it goes a long way to making an impression.

2- The Positive Reinforcement School: Signing your kid up for a kid/dog class is positive reinforcement.  This requires some money and a relatively emotionally stable family, neither of which describes our bunch.

3- The Money School: Bribery, as in treating any chore related to the pet as a job, is also quite effective.  Some parents might consider this a lesson in immorality, since the kid should be helping the pet out of love and a sense of responsibility, but hey.  You do what you gotta do.

4- The Threats and Guilt School: Don't shy away from threatening the kids with the dire consequences of ignoring a life.  Making kids feel guilty while letting your own eyes bug out and the vein in your forehead throb is guaranteed to evoke at least several eye rolls as soon as your back is turned.

5- The Get Rid of Them School:  If all else fails, find the animals a new home.  Hey, they deserve quality of life and you promised to provide it.  If you are too busy to care for the pets and your kids are stubborn, selfish little people who can't seem to pull it together, list the pet on Craig's List or call the local pet stores, or post an ad on a bulletin board at your church.

Some day, if you're lucky and your kids morph into reasonably decent people, sooner or later, they will once more want a pet.  At that time, you can drag out the old picture of the dog you had to find a home for, or the gerbil who lived in your wall for two weeks without food and water and ask the important questions: who will care for this pet?

At this point it's time for your brain to lead the way, not your heart.  You get the pet, if you, the parent, are willing to care for the pet with help maybe some help from your kids.

Who knows?  Maybe the pet is really meant for you, the parent, all along.