How To Cope With Losing Your Mother

Advice on coping with the devastating loss of your mom.

Losing a loved one is a devastating experience. Losing a parent can be absolutely mind numbing. It doesn't seem fair that throughout your whole existence you've had a mom, then suddenly you don't. The holiday season shows up and you realize that you've always had a mom on Christmas. It takes your breath away. You're at a loss. Your head just doesn't know what to do. You know you are lucky to have had this person in your life at all. You are blessed to have had Mother's Days and birthdays and vacations and school functions as well as arguments and tears. All of those things make you who you are today. It is hard to cope. It's hard to decide what you should be feeling and when you should feel it. Here are some steps to coping with the loss of your mother.

Do it your way. Don't let those around you tell you you're doing it wrong. You decide. If in your grief, you chuckle at a memory, then do it. If you need to cry, then cry.

Crying is okay. If it interferes with your living, seek help. If you just need to cry, cry. A woman once lost her husband of 60 years. Every morning she cried a few minutes when she rose and he was not there. She told him a silent I Love You, dried her eyes and carried on with her day. Knowing she cried daily, her children insisted that because it had been a year since his death that she needed help and to stop crying. They put her on anti-depressants. Now she says, "I was not sad before. Now I am sad because I can't cry for my husband."

Remember your mom often. When it's tough to get through a holiday, or any day, give her credit for the little things that you do and have brought to your family through her. Share silly little things like the fact that you make caramel apples every October 6 because that's what she loved to do. Tell your children. Whatever traditions you use that came from her, remember and share.

Find humor. The situation itself is not funny. There are though, many things tucked away in your memory that are. Share them out loud with others. You will smile at the memory, they will smile at the story and you will smile again because they smiled!

During special times, perhaps a high school graduation, say "Mom would've loved this." If you get a bit misty eyed, that's okay. Keep her with you, but carry on, because now YOU are the parent. Take a deep breath and carry on because that's what mom would want.

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