How to Rid Your House of Elemental Spooks

These beings are healthy and good, but troublesome, tiresome Elementals can be created during the activities of not-very-nice Magicians who use these hybrid creatures as slaves to carry out various magical tasks... Even after you have sent the soul of the nefarious Dark Magus away (see "How To Banish a Magician...") his demonic familiars may still infest your rooms, creating a murky, dirty, and depressing atmosphere. Perhaps you will notice that when friends come to visit, they complain of feeling drained, or they find excuses not to come to your house any more. They won't tell you why, they may not even know themselves, but it may be that unpleasant little noogies, critters, and even goblins have been detected swarming under your couches and chairs, or peeking out from under your bed. Perhaps you yourself display a glazed over, crabby demeanor -- the result of sleepless nights and sharing your bed with squeelies and imps. Should you happen to be visited by a psychic -- well-- he or she will probably rattle on about "space clearing" and "getting rid of clutter" or even ask (for the psychic may have seen a smoky, swirling wraith with demonic red-lit eyes staring out from between the living room curtains), "Why don't you move?"

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging Things You’ll Need:

• Cleaning supplies, including salt water
• Trash bags
• White candles on plates surrounded with flowers
• Loud bell
• High John the Conquerer Incense
• Broom

Step 1

oh. oh...
Throw out your clutter. Store things you want to keep neatly and away. Clean the floors and walls with salt water. Wash the windows with vinegar. If you find anything that once belonged to the former tenant, like a doll with pins stuck into it on top of the wardrobe, or a bag of stinky herbs, colored dust in the corners, or sigil-imprinted wax stuck to the floor, get rid of it. This is the hardest part, but those little spooks love untidiness. Now wash yourself and put on clean clothes .

Step 2

Purify
In your nice clean house, place white candles on saucers surrounded with flowers -- chrysanthemums, daisies,lilacs, etc. Light them and put them in all the corners of all of the rooms. Burn High John the Conquerer incense and fill the house with the smoke until you can't breath. Keep the windows shut for now...
Step 3

space clearing tingas
Ring the bell, or clash the tingas, in the all the rooms and say the 23rd Psalm, or the Invocation to the Goddess,or Nam YoHo Ringe Kyo or whatever does it for you. Tell the little boogies to go to "God's Light", or "Divine Light" --- make sure you don't say "the" light or they may jump on you. Your psychic friend might be only too happy to help you with this to make sure they are, indeed, all gone.

Step 4

They leave
Now, when you feel the house is throughly saturated with good vibes, open all the windows and doors and with the broom, sweep the residue out over the threshold shouting, "Avaunt thee, avaunt thee, sprites! Troubeleth not mine house ere'more! Avaunt! Avaunt!" Determine that they will leave.

Tips & Warnings

• You should bathe before any working such as this in 1lb. Epsom salts in hot-as-you-can-stand-it water, laced with lavender oil, for 20 minutes. Then don a pale gown and silver slippers so you will be able to walk on the astral plane. (optional of course).
• You will sleep better after this and wake in a good mood. Who wouldn't want that?
• When you are crying "Avaunt!" out of your door, please try to make sure your neighbors will not hear lest they think you have gone mad and call the white coats.