Marriage or Cohabitation?

Relationships and marriage, does one need follow the other these days? You meet someone special, you begin dating, become engaged, get married and go off to work or finish college, and then you start a family. Are all the steps necessary or can we skip the engagement and vows and slot the baby somewhere in the middle?

People get married most of the time, not only because they are in love, but because that is what their parents and grandparents did. We all want to follow tradition if it is symbolized by long lasting, happy relationships that our families have enjoyed. Many of us have been raised in this type of situation, however, it's not reason enough to call the wedding planner or spend thousands on a wedding gown. There are unhealthy reasons for getting married too.

Getting married because of an unexpected pregnancy is an unhealthy reason to get married, as can be marrying purely for financial reasons. Having said that, in this current economic climate, lots of people are choosing to make the legal commitment because they would not otherwise be covered by their spouse's health insurance.

It would seem that there are more healthy reasons for cohabitation, and none unhealthy, at least that's what my observations indicated until I chose to live in another country. In Australia, de-facto relationships are the norm, and lots of people never get married. The reason most don't bother can vary; de-facto relationships are recognized by the law in Australia, and the spouse is entitled to health benefits, social security, retirement benefits from their spouse, and proceeds of a will assigned to a legal partner whether married or not.

Here in the U.S. there are numerous problems for people who live together without being married. Most of the benefits mentioned are not automatically granted to a de-facto spouse in the event of death or separation, and overall, people seem to be more religious and cohabitation is frowned upon by some religions. Children can also be disadvantaged due to the lack of legal commitment by their parents.

Some people can live together for a very long time without being engaged or married, and as soon as they make that commitment, disaster can follow shortly afterward. One would be inclined to think that this is more a psychological problem than not. Perhaps we think we are somehow more tied to one place or person if we get married, than if we live with that person as a de-facto. If an unmarried union is working well, it is unhealthy to get married ' just because' of what other people may think. These days, people get married; both go to college, and raise kids. It can be done, but keep in mind that it can be unhealthy to wait too long to have children; more babies are born with birth defects to older parents.

So, are you ready to say I do, or do I have to?