Award Winning Buffalo Wings

Ingredients:

15 high quality, never frozen chicken wings

2 cups Frank’s Red Hot hot sauce

3 tablespoons of rich, creamery butter*

1 tablespoon freshly ground black pepper

¼ cup red wine vinegar

¼ cup pickled jalapeño slices

Peanut oil

Ample carrot sticks, celery sticks, cucumber slices and blue cheese dressing.

*When I say butter, I mean butter.  You do not have my permission to use anything else.  If you want to make these wings with a butter substitute I suggest you go make tofu salad instead.  Wings are not meant to be healthy.  They are meant to be awesome.  Trying to make healthier wings is like drinking non-alcoholic beer or decaf coffee: it totally misses the point.

Preparation:

1.  Deep fry the chicken wings in the peanut oil.  If you do not have a deep fryer go ask for forgiveness from whatever deity, person, idea or object it is that you ask forgiveness from.  Then go buy a deep fryer.

2.  While the wings are frying, slowly melt the butter in a medium saucepan over low heat.

3.  Once the butter has melted, add the hot sauce, black pepper, red wine vinegar and pickled jalapeño slices.  At this point it is crucial that you keep the heat on the lowest setting.  The flavor of Frank's Red Hot changes considerably if you heat it up too much.  The sauce should never get much hotter than lukewarm.  Don’t worry, the wings will heat the sauce up sufficiently when they are combined.

4.  Place the wings in a Tupperware or similar container.  Pour all the sauce over them.  Put a lid on the container and gently shake the wings around to coat with sauce.

5.  Place the wings on a serving plate.  Pour remaining sauce from the Tupperware container over the wings.  Proper wings should literally be drenched in sauce.  If you do not like your wings drenched in sauce you disgust me.  You do not like wings, but just pretend to for the obvious social advantages.  By themselves, chicken wings are disgusting.  It is the proper sauce that gives them their glory.  Before buffalo wings, nobody ate the wings.  They were considered a throwaway part of the animal, useful only as pet food.

6.  Serve wings with carrot sticks, celery sticks, cucumber slices and blue cheese dressing.  Ranch dressing is acceptable if you do not like blue cheese.  However, it will be noted in your file.

7.  Enjoy the awesome.