How To Avoid Pregnancy When You're A Dumb Blonde

1./ DON'T BE IGNORANT!

I went to the doctor lately and I said to him: "Doc, I need some contradiction."

"You're ignorant!" the doctor exclaimed.

"Yep doc," I said. "Three months."

2./ WATCH SCIENTIFIC PROGRAMS ON TV

My mother, who was also a blonde, decided long ago that she would take no more than four children. And indeed, four children she had... and I was one of them.

Some time ago I asked her why she would have no more than four children.

"Well," she said. "This decision of mine has got everything to do with a scientific program I watched on tv, some day."

"Oh yeah?" I inquired. "Sounds interesting!"

I do find scientific programs fascinating, you know. I could watch them all day long.

"And what did they say?" I asked her.

"Well," my mother said, "a very learned gentleman stated that one out of five babies born these days is Chinese, and so..."

3./ BEWARE OF STARS APPEARING IN THE EAST

One day my mother went with me to the doctor's office. She asked the good old doc to examine me because I was having some strange symptoms and she was worried about me.

The doctor examined me carefully and then announced: "Madam, your daughter is pregnant!"

"Nonsense!" my mother gasped. "My little girl has nothing whatsoever to do with men!"

And she turned to me and asked me: "You don't... Do you, dear?"

"No mumsy!" I said. "You know I have never so much as kissed a man!"

Good old doc looked from my mother to me and back again. Then, silently, he stood up and walked to the window. He stared out and continued staring until my mother felt she had to ask him if there was something wrong out there.

"No, madam," the doctor said. "It's just that the last time a virgin got pregnant, a star appeared in the East and I was looking to see if another one was going to show up."