How to Detox Non-Organic Produce and Preserve Perishables Longer

Fruits of the Earth

As a Sovereign Queen of Nature, I could not help but see how our smallest insect friends, very close to us of the Faery Realms, have been poisoned! While the little buggers no longer crawl upon on the Fruits of the Earth, the poison still sticks to it. Do Mortals prefer eating poison to swallowing the odd insect? It appears so. Would insects prefer to be poisoned or swallowed? I must say, being swallowed allows at least one avenue of escape. Therefore, I have gone to the Great Wizard of Elphame for a remedy and he disclosed a secret that is as close as the kitchen sink. Not only does this method clean the Fruits of poison, but it makes them immortal for at least two to three weeks! Who wouldn't want that?

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy Things You’ll Need:

• Purified water
• Kitchen Sink
• CLOROX
• Handsome slave dressed as a pirate
• Magic wand (optional)
• Fruits of the Earth
• Small box where winter is kept

Step 1

Queen of Elphame
Have one of your slaves prepare the kitchen sink by filling it with a gallon of purified water. (It is such a shame you can't have him fetch it from a waterfall streaming down from the mountain side like we do in Elphame, but things have changed in the Mortal realms since we were banished to the UnderWorld). You may use electrolyte-enhanced water also, if you can get it. I would just wave my magic wand over it and command the water to be pure.
Step 2
Sacred apple trees
Have the slave, (mine is called Balthazaar), pour a teaspoon of the mystic CLOROX into the water. Once upon a time we used apple cider vinegar, (apples being sacred to me) but that was before our Alchemists created this Elixer of Immortality and named it CLOROX.
Step 3
Place the Fruits of the Earth into this mixture. Leafy vegetables like to soak for 15 minutes. Roots and fibrous things like to steep for 30 minutes Delicate fruits like berries and fuzzy ones like peaches and apricots, etc. like a nice 30 minute bath Fruits with rinds, citruses, and apples, also can do with 30 minutes. The flesh of wild beasts and eggs take a good 20 minutes of soaking. Wave your magic wand and command the Fruits to be clean!
Step 4
box of winter
Remove the Fruits from the CLOROX bath and place them in clear water for 10 minutes. They should be taken out and dried before they are put away in the box where winter is kept. Never let your slave forget to dry them. Threaten him with a bath and see how well he behaves then!

Tips & Warnings

• You will discover that the Fruits of the Earth have taken on an extra...something...and that is a return to their former glory when we ruled the Earth and all things were beautiful and lived forever. Your health will increase and indigestion will become and thing of the past.
• Treat the Good People of Faery with respect or we will not be able help you any more. Replenish the Earth, or we will all cease to exist. Talk to your garden even if it is only inside the small box where winter is kept. When we hear you, the magic is multiplied.