Don't Network Me, Please!

Sometimes I want to be anonymous.
I don’t want to be found on LinkedIn, Facebook, MySpace, or
Twitter.
I don’t want that guy I never liked in high school
Sending me a friend request.
I don’t want that woman I worked with when I was 23,
Who probably remembers the times I screwed up in work,
And that I got fired;
I definitely don’t want her as part of my
Network.
There’s a reason I moved on with my life,
And didn’t stay in touch with some of these people.
I thought I was done with them
Forever,
But now they’re looking me up on social networks.
Friending me.
How can I turn them down?
What should I say?
“Sorry, I never really liked you
In high school, because
You gave me that embarrassing nickname that I hated.”
Or, “Sorry, you must have forgotten that I had a
Shouting match with you in the office
Twenty years ago,
And I always suspected you got me
Fired.
So, no thanks, I don’t want to be your friend now.”
I’d rather present a different face to the world,
And list my many accomplishments, triumphs, and
Awards (even if I’m a little hazy about some of them).
I’m looking for a different network;
I’m looking for a different me.
I’d rather not chat about old times,
Because it’s old times I’m trying to forget.
Didn’t you see my profile picture?
I’m more distinguished now,
Somehow more, oh, professional.
That person you want to connect to
Is in a different network.
The stuck-in-a-time-warp network.
I’m not part of that anymore.
I hope.