Go Green with Cow Patties! Innovative Insights

The wave of the future begins with, not Winnie-the-Pooh ®, but cow poo the lowly cow patty, aka: the cow pie, the meadow muffin, the buffalo chip. The cow patty is a pizza-shaped film of poo dropped with disdain from the posterior portion of a member of the bovine ilk - the humble beef-cow.

Who'd 'a' knowed it would soar in popularity with the masses? But am I here to crack jokes on the subject? No. Even though I knew a woman who, when a little girl, used to jump into cow patties with her bare feet, while they were still warm. Even though that may bring a smile, I won't waste your time playing up the humor of the situation. As mentioned earlier, I wish to discuss novel utilitarian applications of the excreta of the four-legged hamburger.

Utilitarian Purposes of the Cow Patty of Meadow Muffin

Cow-patty Frisbees: Why didn't someone think of this years ago? Or did they? To maximize your experience in throwing the cow-patty Frisbee, there are one or two requirements. First, you must have a cow patty. Second - and this is important - you must let it dry out! It just flies so much better, then.

Fuel to burn: In these economically-depressed times, we want to Think Green. Naturally-occurring fuels, such as the cow patty, must replace hazardous-waste generating atomic energy. It is so versatile. Imagine going natural like this when you make brick-oven bread. Mmmm. Can't you just taste that old-fashioned goodness?

Skeeter repellent: Simply replace wood chips with buffalo chips, and smolder them whenever you sit in your gazebo and play family games like Trailer Park Wars ®. Some people think mosquitoes are smarter than people, because they want no part of cow patties. I disagree. Cow-Patty Incense is pure parfume!

Use meadow muffin fans to fan your campfires: Some people like to do this wearing a glove. Why water-down the experience of going green? You know, I think they need to change that expression to going brown!

In the manufacture of pens: John Lopez is an Illuminary in the earthly firmament. He gets the Golden Patty Award (pronounced AY-ward) for ingenuity beyond the call of duty for the invention of his “pooh pen.”

Use cow patties to play Bingo: I am against gambling, but maybe you could play just for fun?

Cow-patty clocks: I can almost hear Earl Pitts' voice in the morning saying, “Wake Up Uhmerika!”

Use them in Scientific Study.

Maybe the ultimate innovation in this Going-Green generation is the Cow-Patty Hybrid! To make such a fine invention, you would need to,

Make a cow pie battery.