Five Stages of Tech Support Grief

It’s been almost thirty years since Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the five stages of grief in her ground-breaking book "On Death and Dying". And while no one would want to minimize the loss and devastation anyone experiences when faced with the death of a loved one or a terminal disease, everyone is exposed to a little bit of grief each day.

As our society becomes more inundated with and dependent on new technology, we frequently find ourselves confronted with a new and unfortunately common form of anguish. For want of a better term, you can call this experience, The Five Stages of Tech Support Grief.

It doesn’t matter whether you are  trying to convince the cable company that, yes, you are sure that the TV is not getting a signal and your high-speed internet is gone, or assure your cellular provider that no one is trying to send you identical text messages every thirty seconds. Before you can get tech support, satisfy the gate-keeper and talk to the person who can actually help, or persuade someone in another country to start the process which will get repairmen to your home in the next two months, you have to work your way through these five stages.

Denial (We're not having a problem!)

The first stage is denial. To borrow from Star Trek, the Prime Objective of anyone answering a tech support phone call is to end the call as quickly as possible. The easiest way to accomplish this is to deny that the problem exists to begin with.

“I don’t see how I can help you. I’ve checked our system and everything is working correctly. The problem must be on your end.”

“Well that’s strange; a TV repair truck hit a pole and wiped out cable for the entire neighborhood.”

“Ah, that might explain all of the calls that are trying to get through, can you hold please?”

No matter how many times they deny that there is a problem, you must be adamant. You are not going away until you get some help.

Anger (It must be on your end. Now go away)

Frustrated at their failed attempts to make you believe the problem is all in your head, they next turn to anger. You can feel the frustration rising in their voices as they fail again and again to get you to simply hang up. This anger will soon turn to threats.

“I can send a repair truck if you really want me to, but if we find that the problem is inside your house, there will be a charge of hundreds of dollars. We can only give you a time window of 24 hours when the truck may or may not arrive, but if you aren’t waiting on the doorstep when they pull up, there will be an additional trip charge. If the problem gets fixed by us before the truck arrives, then there will be an absence of problem charge. These charges can mount up in a hurry. Are you sure you want us to send help?”

Bargaining (Maybe there is a problem, did you clear your cache? What brand monitor are you using?)

By staying the course and agreeing to tolerate all threats of monetary vengeance, you force the tech-support person to enter the bargaining stage. Maybe they can share the blame and convince you to at least take some responsibility. This is when you will be forced to turn everything off and back on again. Unplugging things and waiting 2 minutes before you plug them back in. (Perhaps there may still be some electrons bouncing around inside the troublesome device.) You will be asked to clear your cache even though no one has ever been able to explain what a cache is or how clearing it helps. You must be prepared to deliver the names and serial numbers from a variety of things, including your toaster oven. Finally, after completely re-wiring your home and the problem not going away, they are almost ready to admit defeat.

Depression (Guess we're having problems again. Woe is us. We are underpaid and malnourished)

Now they move into the Depression stage. Faced with the enormous task of doing their jobs, having to fill out forms, create a trouble ticket, and put down their Nintendo joystick, you have to help them through this delicate phase. They will tell you about the recent layoffs and downsizing. You will be informed as to how slow their computer is and how no one ever tells them what is going on. Be patient and understanding and you can clear this hurdle quickly and move on to the final step.

Acceptance (Okay, we are aware of this problem and are working on it)

Hallelujah, you made it. All parties seem to be in agreement that the problem exists, that it can be fixed, and hope is finally in sight. This is where you have to be careful to maintain focus. A wrong move at this point and the support person can move back into a previous stage, or worse, ‘accidentally’ disconnect you and you start all over with someone new. And even if you got this person’s name, there is no way for the next person to contact them, or even acknowledge their existence.

You have at last convinced them to send someone out, and you are arranging the week’s vacation you will need to ensure your presence.

“Wait a minute; a bulletin just appeared on my screen. It seems there is a known problem in your area and someone is working on it.”

“Do you know what the problem is, or who is working on it and where, and when it will be resolved?”

“I’m sorry; I don’t have that information, but if the problem isn’t resolved in the next week to ten days, please call back and open another ticket.”

“Can’t we leave this ticket open in case I still need the repair truck sent out?”

“I don’t see how I can help you…..”