Freedom from the Fear of Differences: Accept Yourself First

Like attracts like.

Often, we hear that "opposites attract," and while that may be partly true when it comes to romantic encounters, in reality, most of us stick with the familiar. We were brought up in a neighborhood where most families were in the same income bracket. We saw the same cars in driveways, children went to the same public or private schools together.

Parents mixed at the same neighborhood get-togethers or local establishments. They shopped at the same grocery stores. Kids hankered after the same brand name jeans their peers were wearing.

We were brought up on similarity. It's our comfort zone. It's what we know. For many people, similarity is sufficient. We know what to expect; we can play by the same rules as our neighbor. We bring up our children to honor similar values, to speak our language and to recognize and appreciate sameness.

When we encounter difference, we have to pause and readjust. It's anthropological. Eons ago, before the human being had fully developed, small groups gathered in protective clusters. They learned to rely on one another for food, shelter and survival. They had their territory and protected it from outsiders, from those who were "different."

That early experience is in our genetic memory. It's in our DNA and is on the level of instinct.

So for an individual to be open to difference - whether it be someone of a different colored skin, a different language or culture or any number of other variables of difference - that individual must first feel safe and secure in his or her own identity. We no longer have to survive the elements, keep watch for wooly mammoths or skin hides to make it through a harsh winter or lay traps for fresh kills. Those basic survival needs are satisfied for many of us.

Now, what we protect is our sense of self, the identity that our parents nurtured. When we have arrived at a point in our self growth where our identity is not threatened by the differences of another, that's when we will allow for diversity. It will be like recognizing a new tribe, and realizing there can be friendship with this tribe instead of hostility. We may even get to the point where we understand that the many small tribes of this planet combine to make one large tribe. We'll have an awakening when this happens. When we take this leap and move away from the old memory of instinct, we will realize something very important. All of us are the same - even with our differences.