How to Help Someone with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

My expertise lies in the fact that I have had a great deal of personal experience with this so-called "disorder." The cause of PTSD does not come from within the person, but from without. It is not a psychological disorder like depression, but it is the result of severe trauma and, very often, a prolonged series of traumatic events. The latter is the most lengthy and difficult to recover from because there is a justifiable fear of and a conditioning to recurring violence.

I have suffered from PTSD and been through the recovery process and, as I write, I am in a slow and painful recovery again from yet another series of violently traumatic events. Family members of people who suffer from PTSD often do not understand what is happening. And, generally, even if the sufferer understands what is happening to them, they have difficulty communicating it to people around them in a way that they can understand. Many times the sufferer is trying to explain what is happening to them, but it seems to be beyond he grasp of those around them. There are some things you can do to help someone who is suffering from PTSD.

Definitions of PTSD abound. If you are reading this article, likely you or someone you know is suffering from it, so a lengthy description of it is unnecessary.

If you want to help a sufferer of PTSD, the first thing you must know is that you should never blame the victim. At the very least, it shows a lack of understanding and the sufferer needs, above all, understanding. It is simply a fact that many people who are the victims of violence are repeated victims. Sometimes there is no explanation for why certain people are repeat victims of violent attacks. Trying to put the victim under a microscope to discover what is wrong with her that she attracts "bad karma" is not productive and is a form of blaming the victim. The facts are this: Bad things happen to good people, sometimes over and over again. This is a sadistically violent world. That is all you need to know. If you have not been the repeated victim of violence, count yourself lucky, but do it silently when you are trying to help someone with PTSD. There is no point in reasoning why these things have happened to the victim, saying "If only you..." or trying to find something wrong with the victim to explain why they have been victimized. Criticizing the sufferer is counter-productive to his or her recovery. If you want to help the sufferer, you have to think about them and not your own fears of being victimized, too. You have to come from a place of love, not a place of fear. Blaming the victim is a fear response. It will anger, distance and possibly re-traumatize the sufferer. Get any such thoughts out of your mind when you are talking to the person you want to help.

Listen to the sufferer's fears and concerns. If they tell you that something frightens them, take it seriously. Don't tell them, "Get a grip on yourself." Don't try to reason them out of it. This isn't about a thought process. It is about a whole-body response to negative stimuli that bypasses the conscious mind. On a very real, physical level, the sufferer's mind and body re-experience past traumatic events when they are triggered. There will be actual physical responses. It is not all in the person's mind. Ordering them to "stop being scared all the time," is not helpful, either. The body is responding to stimuli. In order to effect healing, the person needs to be removed from negative stimuli for a period of time until they fully recover. There will be situations or people that trigger flashbacks or negative responses in the sufferer. Be understanding and try to shield the them from these stresses - whatever they are. That is not always possible, but, understand that even if the person appears to be functioning normally, they can be easily re-traumatized by events specific to their original trauma.

If the sufferer does not want to seek professional help, do not keep bringing it up or trying to force the issue. Most of the time professional help is no help at all and can actually re-traumatize the victim. Constantly nagging or threatening the sufferer about going to a psychotherapist or doctor can further traumatize them, as well. Whatever traumatic experiences the victim has had are real, not imagined. Furthermore, do not pose as a medical expert and accuse the victim of being "depressed" or in need of medication. The sufferer may interpret this as hostility, accusations and lack of caring. They may become more frightened and, consequently, sick and will want to distance themselves from you even further.

If the person wants to discuss traumatizing events, listen sympathetically. Do not bring it up yourself. Talking about it is not necessarily good "therapy," in spite of what the pop psychologists on talk shows say, and it can re-traumatize them and actually make them physically ill. Wait until they want or need to talk about something. Then, just listen. Do not try to offer explanations. There are no explanations for some events - there are evil people in this world and bad things happen to innocent people. That's all that can be said. Please, realize that sometimes the need to talk about it is a response to re-traumatization. Re-traumatization can happen easily from events in the news, on television, in newspapers or movies. There are different levels of re-traumatization. If they want to talk about it, they may be in a state of heightened trauma at that time. Handle them delicately. Do not become defensive, hostile or accusatory.

Above all listen to what the sufferer is telling you. Take them seriously if they tell you that something upsets them. If you are in a place or situation that causes them to feel disoriented, something may be triggering a flashback. Help remove them from this negative stimulus. A sense of disorientation is common before an anxiety attack. Remove them from having to deal with abusive or loud people. This is not always possible. If you are in a public place, you cannot predict other people's behavior. But, listen if the sufferer tells you that they are nervous or afraid somewhere and simply leave. PTSD sufferers are accustomed to people not understanding them and blaming them for what has happened to them. If the sufferer has been the victim of a violent attack, a person who looks like, walks like or sounds like their attackers can trigger a terror response. If you are with them when this happens and you have to leave a place - for example, a nice restaurant - the sufferer will feel guilty and worry that you will blame them for it. They need to be reassured that you are not angry or upset with them.

After a while the sufferer will begin to recognize panic attacks for what they are, but they still will not be able to control the physical responses. These are more than just something happening in the mind, the entire body responds with heart pains, nausea, headaches and more depending on what has happened to the person in the original traumatizing event. Senses may become extremely heightened. The body can actually act out what happened to it in the original traumatizing violence when the person is re-traumatized.

It is important not to frighten someone who is suffering from PTSD. Loud noises or unannounced visitors, for example, can be very damaging. One heart-pounding fright can lead to days of painful, very real physical suffering for someone who is dealing with PTSD.

The sufferer needs to re-establish a sense of safety for a time in order to be able to deal with the world again. If the person has been made weak or physically ill from a violent assault, then the PTSD will not begin to heal until they are physically recovered from their injuries. Time and not being re-traumatized are what the person needs to recover. It is possible to recover in time.